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[az_shrimp_horny]

[She wasn't going to do this... she really wasn't going to be that guy... but her talk with Aziraphale last night had worried her. If he was cracking under pressure or whatever the fuck that was she can't just leave all the newbies in the lurch.

What the fuck is wrong with her? She actually cares?! Fuck! It's okay. Just remember what Aziraphale said about teaching and leading and shit. But if she's gonna do this for real she's gonna do it her way.

So she sat on her couch in front of a plain white wall, nothing fancy. A framed candid photo of her and Rosabella hangs off to her right. Dressed in a comfy plaid shirt, she gives the mirror a lop sided smile before she begins to speak.]

Hey everyone, I'm Eleanor and I don't usually do this so I'm just gonna get straight to the point:

Alright, so, here's the deal. I'm not gonna sugar coat this for you - this place isn't the best. Some parts of it downright suck. But it doesn't have to completely suck. I know all you newbies are probably getting sick of hearing about everything. There's a loooooot of info. Take it from someone who hates reading anything longer than a couple'a pages, I getcha. So here are some cliffnotes:

-You can get some food for free at places in town - it's good shit, too. That'll help til you get a job or someone to freeload off of.
-The Emporium has everything you might need - ask for me or Michael, we'll help hook you up.
-Right now everything is fucking haunted. Don't fuck with the ghosts or they'll fuck with you... I speak from experience.
-Watch out on the full moon. Anyone who's a monster class starts looking and acting pretty wiggy. And... don't take it personally, they can't help it. On the new moon it's the exact opposite, so be nice.
-Don't do any missions til you've at least tried to do magic... they suck ass if you don't know what you're doing. During my first mission, one guy blew up one of our tents and made the other one invisible. Seriously. You try finding an invisible tent in the dark. It's not fun.

[No offense, Doctor. It was the best example she could think of...

She sighs, raking her hair back from her face. Realizing how she must sound, her smile turns a little apologetic.]

Listen... I know it's a lot. Trust me. I didn't believe a single word of it until I saw the corroded with my own eyes and actually did magic for the first time. But you're not alone. If you want help with magic and shit you can go talk to Aziraphale if he's around. He's one of the good guys and super easy to talk to. But you can also come talk to me. I've been helping with training, but I've also been giving a lot of advice lately. So I'm gonna put out a blanket offer to everyone, no matter how long you've been here:

If you need someone to train with, talk to, hang out with, bitch at or whatever, I'm your girl. I work at the Emporium, but hit me up through the mirror any time. I'll buy the first round of drinks. Booze, tea, coffee, milk and cookies, a thimble of something, whatever.

[She pauses, biting her lip]

Uuuuhhh yeah that's about it. [Another pause] Fuck, I don't know how to end this without sounding either really lame or super awkward... except now I just made it awkward by saying that. [She facepalms] Just... bye. Okay? Bye.

Comments

[az_shrimp_horny]

Not if you're from the desert and wished for rain.

[She was going to laugh but... ]

There's three of them now? I still don't understand how there were two! Fuck it, meet me at the bar. I'm buying.

[bigbadrose]

Nope, that means even more, because you overachieved.

[Laughs and waves. She'll meet you there!]

[az_shrimp_horny]

[She'll meet Rose there. She waves when she sees her.]

Hey! What'll it be?

[bigbadrose]

Whiskey sour, if you don't not mind. And trust me, you wanna down a lot of tequila, because your swearing when you hear it will make the ghosts opaque. Oh, and it involves Aziraphale and Crowley too.

[az_shrimp_horny]

[She gestures to the bartender to bring the first round. He'd already started making her margarita when she walked through the door. ]

I wanna hear all about it! And... I wanna talk about Aziraphale...

[bigbadrose]

Good! Okay, first... You gotta know, in his universe he can cheat death. Instead of being gone forever, he changes faces. Bodies. Personality. It's a mess. But it's like a better reincarnation 'cause he remembers everything, and his hearts and soul stay the same.

Buuuuut he's dumb, and did some stuuuuuff, and made a human clone of himself on accident, that can't regenerate anymore.

When we got separated, I came back for him. But he sent Meta, his human-y clone to my parents universe, and told me to look after him because Meta needed me more.

Then he got married. And became a widow. And tried to reform Missy.

So that's why, it doesn't matter that his oldest version here loves me and I love him, because we're a giant fucking bloody disastrous mess, and he gets all guilty about Meta or his wife, et cetera.

You with me so far?

[Waves down, and gets started on a second.]

The face that got cloned is Crowley's, but with brown hair. He really really wanted to be ginger too. Anyway. That's why, I think, the Doctor's extra hard on him. It reminds him of himself, and not just that, but Meta, whom I haven't even met yet!

[Frustrated growl, and practically attacks her drink before taking deep bad wolf breaths, like she's about to blow down brick pig houses.]

So now that face is here, but not Meta, just after Meta, when he's all lost and sad and a mess, and maybe married, and I don't know if I want to snog him or slug him, but I think both.

Ohhhhhhhhh and here's the fun part!

Azzy's just as bad as him. Gotta be an angel, can't be so base, and actually admit he wants things ohhhhh nooooo. He has to be bettar than that. Has to be the one sacrificing himself, and whatever he loves with it! Trust the plaaaaan....

[Rose spins off her chair and looks around for something to punch, but finding nothing has to substitute for magic. But whaaaaaat? Energy... But that doesn't narrow down what.]

Gimme a... Energy thing you want. Magic that uses energy type. I need to punch things. With magic. Not a curse.

[az_shrimp_horny]

[..... Holy shit that's a lot to absorb. She stares at Rose for a very long moment as everything... Okay most... Some of everything she just said made its way between her ears. ]

Wait wait wait, are you telling me that the Doctors are the same fucking person? That's... I...

[She groans and drops her head to the bar.]

My head hurts. Rose why is your shit so confusing?

[She mimnkes with her head still down.]

You want a type of energy or a thing to make with it?

[bigbadrose]

Yes. Just different by time and the rest.

I know, right?! I just wanted to go home! Next thing I know, he's telling me, tough shit, it's never gonna happen! All those universes, collapsing timelines, all the darkness, and he's still going to send me back to my parents like a bloody child!

Something to make with it. Got too much angry energy, need a release valve. Can't concentrate on just going home anymore either!

[az_shrimp_horny]

[This was getting way more complicated than she expected. But she'd dealt with complicated before. Taking a breath, she sat up.]

How about an ice sculpture of his face, then you can break it?

[Seems logical, right?]

Listen... who the fuck cares what he says? He doesn't control your future any more than any of the others in this place. Sure he can say where he thinks you're gonna go, but that doesn't mean you have to stay there, right?

[bigbadrose]

I can't do that... [Soft smile, and she's reminded of Crowley. But closes her eyes and makes a burst of whole lemons and limes appear on the table.] Drink up, because I dunno how long they'll last.

[Huffs! And takes her seat back, shaking her head.]

He probably figured I found him once I can do it again, and I can, and I will if I so choose. Which maybe I won't! And he can suck on that! [Hence the lemons and limes.] 'Cause I'm not gonna abandon some version of him that's been cast aside like yesterday's refuse! Especially not when he's gonna be thinking he's not the real thing, and doesn't know how to human...

[More head shakes!] Not the point!! That's there, that's then! I'm here! I'm now!

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Eleanor picks up one of the lemons, rolling it between her hands.]

That's what I keep telling Crowley and Aziraphale. This is here, not wherever we're from. Like, I don't have to worry about points or shit here. None of it counts back home! Do whatever the fuck you want.

[bigbadrose]

[Slightly askance look!] I mean... Yes, and no, yeah?

Freedom? Yes. But the oldest Doctor... Wants peace, yeah? He's not gonna get it, but I can still try to make it less hard on him. And I want him, but not at the cost of his sanity.

Like Crowley and Azzy are idiots for worrying about their war. Azzy more, but Crowley's a dumbass about it too. But what they do here still matters to them here. So it's not: no consequences... Just...

[Face palm.] Sorry, with his third face here, I'm kind of working on that, what I want is in reach, but I still can't have it, kind of thing.

Do you really have it all figured out? What you want here? Like yeah, points don't matter, but Michael does, your happiness does. What we do here still means something to people here, for better or worse. Like it might not seem like much, but even retail still kind of matters. Even if it is hell.

[az_shrimp_horny]

I'm... Still working on what I want.

[She makes a bit of a face.]

But hey we're not talking about me. We're talking about you. So, tell me, hottie to hottie: What do you want? Forget what everyone else wants, or what you can and can't have. What do you want?

[bigbadrose]

[Fair fucking enough.]

[And Rose snarls, all bad wolf temper.] The same thing I've always wanted. Freedom. Adventure. Exploring. Saving the multiverse, with my god damn best friend and soulmate!

[Chugs back some more, before bracing her arms in a cradle on the bartop and resting her head in them and whining like a puppy.] You know Michael said, even though he made it up, soulmates had to be real. And I keep wanting to shake him, what's the point of a soulmate you can't be with? Not sure how, but it's his fault. Somehow.

I don't want to fix sad puppy eyes, I don't want to have to worry about being myself. If I want to be dramatic and throw a fit, I want to do that! I miss being myself. Not Rose Tyler, Defender of Earth in multiple universes. Not Agent Bad Wolf. Not Dame Tyler of Powell Estates. Not Peter Tyler's daughter from another universe, the Vitex Heiress, some sort of weird genetic step-daughter, or anything else anyone sees me as.

[Oh no, she's starting to cry, and just... fiercly rubs her eyes and huffs, just her eyes and hair peeking over her hoodie'd arm.] I wanted to go home. Not to my Mum. Not an empty dying TARDIS. To my stupid git alien who went and got married, and did what he always tried to tell me WOULD happen, that he'd outlive me and have to keep moving on, and just because he loves me doesn't make it hurt any less...

[Grabs some of the lemons and limes and starts juicing them herself, because she needs to fidget.]

He had a human friend he loved who traveled with him before me, Sarah Jane. She's here now too! [Just straight up sucks on a lemon wedge and makes a face.] She tried to tell me how much it was gonna wreck me eventually. When I got too old to keep up with him... [Tries not to bawl.] Like a fucking dog! [Bites another lemon wedge, and ignores any tears.]

[Headshake. Sniff.] Only now she's young again. So she told me I could come see her when I reached that point. 'Cept I never did, because I got stuck in Pete's universe. [Armplant back on the bartop.]

[Doodles a finger in circles on the bar.] She, the younger version here, said maybe I shouldn't Bad Wolf my way into brick pig houses anymore. Could just yanno... knock. And not eat them. But I guess best I could do is just... lie. [Bitter laugh.] Pretend I don't wanna eat stupid pigs hiding in brick anyway. I mean who wants a stupid fucked up alien with puppy dog eyes and silver fox hair and even after a thousand years didn't forget you or change the way he looks at me or nothing?!

Nah nah nah... not I...

[Noms a lemon and lime wedge at the same time and makes a face.] Don't do that, it's disgusting. Better with whiskey.

1/2

[az_shrimp_horny]

[.........]

[az_shrimp_horny]

Rose... I love you, but sometimes I wish you came with cliffnotes.

[She sighs, waving a hand between them.]

Okay... I think somewhere in there I caught something about being yourself. So be yourself! Be the best fucking Rose Tyler there ever was! Fuck what everyone else is telling you you should or shouldn't do. [She pauses] I mean... maybe not entirely because you've still gotta follow rules and stuff. But don't let them tell you who you are. You are a badass blonde bombshell and no one can take that away from you. And [She gently nudges her arm] That's not gonna change because of some guy. You're not defined by who you're with, or not with. You're still gonna be you no matter what.

[bigbadrose]

Me too. [It's true though.]

Yeah, I mean that's true. [Bro-fists Eleanor, but sticks her tongue out the side in thought.] I do... change myself... to try to... I dunno.

Either stuff it, yanno, all up inside. [Chews her bottom lip hard, thinking about Madame du Pompadour, and Jimmy.] And the older Doctor told me not to. To just tell him things, so I'm trying. But -- [Doodles finger on the bartop.] Usually he brings out the best in me... annnd I dunno. [Knuckles both sides of her temples.] I don't want to disappoint him and it drives me mad. I'd never ask him to change to be with me, [Head shake!!!] But we don't want the same things and uuuugh... I just.... [Rubs temples] Keep me on track, yeah? If I get pulled into -- I dunno, doing something not me to just try to please someone else because I do and I hate that!

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Eleanor reaches out to pull her friend into a hug. She understands that pull very very well.]

I promise. If I ever see you trying to be anything other than you I'll let you know. You do the same, okay?

[bigbadrose]

You got it! [Winks and hugs back!] Though I really can't imagine you two doin' anything but makin' each other better!

He's more him around you. The him he wants to be, not the him that Shawn and the other demons ragged on, yeah?

[az_shrimp_horny]

[She blushes at that. Hey, Hey! Since when are they talking about her and Michael?!]

Yeah, I think you're right. He's definitely better without all the other demons around... at least without the ones from our universe.

[bigbadrose]

Not just that. I mean he's better since even just the difference between before you got here and when you did.

[az_shrimp_horny]

Really? Is it really that noticeable a difference?

[bigbadrose]

Oh yeah, totally!!! Even on the new moons. I mean, at first I thought he was just getting used to it, but given how the full moon messed with him and Crowley? Nah, it's all you. Besides, he said you were always the one that made him want to get better. I mean, it probably started off like a competition, and it must have drove him mad to lose but... [Rose shrugged, and sipped her silly straw drink.] It's like me and the Doctor too. Once it just becomes too obvious to fight anymore... It's nice. You get to enjoy it, yeah?

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Okay, she might be blushing a little.]

The stupid thing is that helping him be better made me want to be better. Can you believe that?

[bigbadrose]

Uh... Yeah!? [Laughs!!!]

[And spins around in her stool.]

[#TotallyAdult]

It's the same with me and the Doctor, but to be fair, I wouldn't have believed I was helping the Doctor either, I mean not right away, 'cept he keeps saying so, so yeah! [More laughs and nods.] It's easier when literally everything is easier together, yeah? It just makes everything else smooth sailing.