Video

[az_shrimp_horny]

[She wasn't going to do this... she really wasn't going to be that guy... but her talk with Aziraphale last night had worried her. If he was cracking under pressure or whatever the fuck that was she can't just leave all the newbies in the lurch.

What the fuck is wrong with her? She actually cares?! Fuck! It's okay. Just remember what Aziraphale said about teaching and leading and shit. But if she's gonna do this for real she's gonna do it her way.

So she sat on her couch in front of a plain white wall, nothing fancy. A framed candid photo of her and Rosabella hangs off to her right. Dressed in a comfy plaid shirt, she gives the mirror a lop sided smile before she begins to speak.]

Hey everyone, I'm Eleanor and I don't usually do this so I'm just gonna get straight to the point:

Alright, so, here's the deal. I'm not gonna sugar coat this for you - this place isn't the best. Some parts of it downright suck. But it doesn't have to completely suck. I know all you newbies are probably getting sick of hearing about everything. There's a loooooot of info. Take it from someone who hates reading anything longer than a couple'a pages, I getcha. So here are some cliffnotes:

-You can get some food for free at places in town - it's good shit, too. That'll help til you get a job or someone to freeload off of.
-The Emporium has everything you might need - ask for me or Michael, we'll help hook you up.
-Right now everything is fucking haunted. Don't fuck with the ghosts or they'll fuck with you... I speak from experience.
-Watch out on the full moon. Anyone who's a monster class starts looking and acting pretty wiggy. And... don't take it personally, they can't help it. On the new moon it's the exact opposite, so be nice.
-Don't do any missions til you've at least tried to do magic... they suck ass if you don't know what you're doing. During my first mission, one guy blew up one of our tents and made the other one invisible. Seriously. You try finding an invisible tent in the dark. It's not fun.

[No offense, Doctor. It was the best example she could think of...

She sighs, raking her hair back from her face. Realizing how she must sound, her smile turns a little apologetic.]

Listen... I know it's a lot. Trust me. I didn't believe a single word of it until I saw the corroded with my own eyes and actually did magic for the first time. But you're not alone. If you want help with magic and shit you can go talk to Aziraphale if he's around. He's one of the good guys and super easy to talk to. But you can also come talk to me. I've been helping with training, but I've also been giving a lot of advice lately. So I'm gonna put out a blanket offer to everyone, no matter how long you've been here:

If you need someone to train with, talk to, hang out with, bitch at or whatever, I'm your girl. I work at the Emporium, but hit me up through the mirror any time. I'll buy the first round of drinks. Booze, tea, coffee, milk and cookies, a thimble of something, whatever.

[She pauses, biting her lip]

Uuuuhhh yeah that's about it. [Another pause] Fuck, I don't know how to end this without sounding either really lame or super awkward... except now I just made it awkward by saying that. [She facepalms] Just... bye. Okay? Bye.

Comments

[bigbadrose]

What did you do to the ghosts?

And be nice to the Doctor! His magic is literally chaos! It's hard to control!

[Stage whispered:] Should we really be sending people to Aziraphale?

[enhancomancer]

[Dramatic :O face!] You said some really bad words! The Adult Conspiracy is going to get you in soooooooo much trouble!

Oh wait! Are you a Curse fiend?

[az_shrimp_horny]

Apparently they didn't like me swearing at them...

[They got a little offended...]

I know, I know. I'm not still mad about it or anything, but it is a pretty good example, you gotta admit.

[Eleanor doesn't want to talk about Aziraphale where anyone could hear them. She looks concerned for a moment before forcing a smile.]

Hey, you know what? We haven't hung out in a while. We should get together somewhere. Like... now?

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Shit. Children. She didn't think about that. FUCK!]

A what?

[bigbadrose]

I mean, it could happen to anyone, but yeah, I guess my first examples of disasters are him doing something daft too.

[Nods!] You at work?

[enhancomancer]

They use the forbidden words as their collective magic! Together they can change the whole landscape through the power of curses!

And otherwise they just like to put on plays. They're really good! I watch them sometimes on the Magic Tapestry, but Esk said the best parts aren't the visuals.

Video

[king_of_egypt]

[It's a valiant effort on Eleanor's part even though it isn't hard to tell that she feels uncomfortable delivering it. ]

I wonder... if we couldn't combine what both you and Aziraphale have suggested and compile it into some sort of list so that for the next time it will be easier to deliver the information. Well- leaving out some of the portions that are unique to this season that is.

If only these were video cameras instead of magic infused mirrors then we could just record it and play the file back later. [As if Atem has ever used a video camera. There was a video phone once but Joey was the one that made the call.]

[az_shrimp_horny]

[She has to laugh at that.]

I mean we all sucked at first. I made it snow once.

[A pause.]

No, I'm in my apartment. You wanna come by or you wanna go somewhere?

[az_shrimp_horny]

Uuuuhhhh yeah no I'm definitely not one of them. Words don't have that kinda power where I'm from.

[az_shrimp_horny]

[She's cool most of the time... The rest of the time she's super awkward. This is just one of those times. But she tried! ]

Some of it's in the manual but yeah... It'd be nice to not have to have someone do this every time new people show up.

[bigbadrose]

Snow's lovely, pretty sure that's an accomplishment, not an accident.

Either! Actually let's get drinks, there's a third Doctor here now so... [Shrug. Guess how well Rose is taking it?]

[Needing drinks, that's how well.]

[enhancomancer]

Ohhhhhh, are you from Mundania? Or somewhere without magic?

[az_shrimp_horny]

Somewhere without magic. It's a little more complicated than that but I think just saying there isn't magic there is good enough.

[az_shrimp_horny]

Not if you're from the desert and wished for rain.

[She was going to laugh but... ]

There's three of them now? I still don't understand how there were two! Fuck it, meet me at the bar. I'm buying.

[bigbadrose]

Nope, that means even more, because you overachieved.

[Laughs and waves. She'll meet you there!]

[enhancomancer]

[Solemn nod.] It must have been very boring. I'm sorry for that.

At least you're here now!

[king_of_egypt]

[He's seen evidence of that since she seemed cool as a cucumber at the dragon party]

Indeed. For what it's worth I do think you touched upon some important subjects, and gave it your best. I hope it will reach the people who could benefit the most from it.

[az_shrimp_horny]

[She'll meet Rose there. She waves when she sees her.]

Hey! What'll it be?

[az_shrimp_horny]

Eh you'd be surprised. [So she was changing the subject the other day.]

What's it like where you're from?

[bigbadrose]

Whiskey sour, if you don't not mind. And trust me, you wanna down a lot of tequila, because your swearing when you hear it will make the ghosts opaque. Oh, and it involves Aziraphale and Crowley too.

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Public speaking isn't her strong suit. ]

Hey thanks. I haven't seen you around in a while. How's it going?

[enhancomancer]

Everything's magical, and fun, and there's puns! My dad's Magic is making the inanimate speak -- oh! People can only do one form of magic there, not like here! And my mother's is making plants grow! And my best friend is Stanley Steamer: the Gap Dragon! So Crowley made a plushie version of him the first night I was here so I could sleep. It's not as good, but I love it lots, and I put it on a pedestal to keep him safe from dirt!

And there's no munny. Only in the hypnogourd, the realm of nightmares, or Mundania, where there's no magic, so pies don't grow on trees or bushes.

I still don't get where the food comes from here. Crowley said they make it, but not with magic, and doesn't make sense. Neither does calling munny that, because it's very nonsense!

[az_shrimp_horny]

[She gestures to the bartender to bring the first round. He'd already started making her margarita when she walked through the door. ]

I wanna hear all about it! And... I wanna talk about Aziraphale...

[king_of_egypt]

[Public speaking is something that's difficult for many.]

You're welcome. It has been a while, hasn't it? [Pausing a moment before proceeding] It's been going well, I've been keeping myself busy with missions mostly. What about for you?

Video

[funnylittleclown]

That was a perfectly innocent mistake! And the invisible tent worked out... Once you found it.