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[az_shrimp_horny]

[She wasn't going to do this... she really wasn't going to be that guy... but her talk with Aziraphale last night had worried her. If he was cracking under pressure or whatever the fuck that was she can't just leave all the newbies in the lurch.

What the fuck is wrong with her? She actually cares?! Fuck! It's okay. Just remember what Aziraphale said about teaching and leading and shit. But if she's gonna do this for real she's gonna do it her way.

So she sat on her couch in front of a plain white wall, nothing fancy. A framed candid photo of her and Rosabella hangs off to her right. Dressed in a comfy plaid shirt, she gives the mirror a lop sided smile before she begins to speak.]

Hey everyone, I'm Eleanor and I don't usually do this so I'm just gonna get straight to the point:

Alright, so, here's the deal. I'm not gonna sugar coat this for you - this place isn't the best. Some parts of it downright suck. But it doesn't have to completely suck. I know all you newbies are probably getting sick of hearing about everything. There's a loooooot of info. Take it from someone who hates reading anything longer than a couple'a pages, I getcha. So here are some cliffnotes:

-You can get some food for free at places in town - it's good shit, too. That'll help til you get a job or someone to freeload off of.
-The Emporium has everything you might need - ask for me or Michael, we'll help hook you up.
-Right now everything is fucking haunted. Don't fuck with the ghosts or they'll fuck with you... I speak from experience.
-Watch out on the full moon. Anyone who's a monster class starts looking and acting pretty wiggy. And... don't take it personally, they can't help it. On the new moon it's the exact opposite, so be nice.
-Don't do any missions til you've at least tried to do magic... they suck ass if you don't know what you're doing. During my first mission, one guy blew up one of our tents and made the other one invisible. Seriously. You try finding an invisible tent in the dark. It's not fun.

[No offense, Doctor. It was the best example she could think of...

She sighs, raking her hair back from her face. Realizing how she must sound, her smile turns a little apologetic.]

Listen... I know it's a lot. Trust me. I didn't believe a single word of it until I saw the corroded with my own eyes and actually did magic for the first time. But you're not alone. If you want help with magic and shit you can go talk to Aziraphale if he's around. He's one of the good guys and super easy to talk to. But you can also come talk to me. I've been helping with training, but I've also been giving a lot of advice lately. So I'm gonna put out a blanket offer to everyone, no matter how long you've been here:

If you need someone to train with, talk to, hang out with, bitch at or whatever, I'm your girl. I work at the Emporium, but hit me up through the mirror any time. I'll buy the first round of drinks. Booze, tea, coffee, milk and cookies, a thimble of something, whatever.

[She pauses, biting her lip]

Uuuuhhh yeah that's about it. [Another pause] Fuck, I don't know how to end this without sounding either really lame or super awkward... except now I just made it awkward by saying that. [She facepalms] Just... bye. Okay? Bye.

Comments

[az_shrimp_horny]

[She's cool most of the time... The rest of the time she's super awkward. This is just one of those times. But she tried! ]

Some of it's in the manual but yeah... It'd be nice to not have to have someone do this every time new people show up.

[king_of_egypt]

[He's seen evidence of that since she seemed cool as a cucumber at the dragon party]

Indeed. For what it's worth I do think you touched upon some important subjects, and gave it your best. I hope it will reach the people who could benefit the most from it.

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Public speaking isn't her strong suit. ]

Hey thanks. I haven't seen you around in a while. How's it going?

[king_of_egypt]

[Public speaking is something that's difficult for many.]

You're welcome. It has been a while, hasn't it? [Pausing a moment before proceeding] It's been going well, I've been keeping myself busy with missions mostly. What about for you?

[az_shrimp_horny]

Same. That and working. Fuck I sound boring. I need to go on another mission or do something exciting.

[king_of_egypt]

I wouldn't say that- you're just keeping yourself occupied. I'm sure there are nuances to both your work and the missions you've been on that would be of interest.

What would you consider exciting?

[az_shrimp_horny]

Yeah you've got a point there. I haven't been on too many missions yet but the ones I have been on have been something else.

[She laughs.]

I used to just consider going out drinking and carrying on excitement enough for me. Now? I don't know.

[king_of_egypt]

If I'm being perfectly frank however....... I feel the same way about my job. [Said with a hint of a smirk] The missions keep me more engaged. I'd like to hear about them sometime, if the memories aren't too unpleasant.

I can see where a little casual drinking would help lighten the atmosphere. Do you have any interest in games? We could always see about adding them into the mix.

[az_shrimp_horny]

What do you do for work? [She returns that smirk with one of her own] Most of them are alright. Some are just... weird.

[Being shrunk to the size of a mouse FTW!]

I'm always down for a drinking game! What do you have in mind?

[king_of_egypt]

I work as a waiter at a lovely little establishment called the Carnation Café. [That is 2-parts sarcastic to 1-part legit.] I know I'm not being fair to it really, but.... I have been thinking about looking for other employment or seeing if I can get by with what we receive from missions.

Ha- I can understand that! [Since one mission involved a large block of baking soda, and the Doctor's recorder]

A drinking game? [That hadn't been quite the game he was going for.................. but a game was a game. Count him in] Oh- there's any number of variations we could choose from in that category, it all depends on what you're up for.

[az_shrimp_horny]

That's a pretty good place. But yeah I get it. That shit can get super old super fast. The Emporium isn't so bad. I suppose there are worst things to do.

[She grins]

We should share weird mission stories sometime. I have a few doozies.

[Hey man, that's where her brain usually goes. If he suggests non drinking games she'd probably be down.]

I dunno, I'm usually up for anything. What did you have in mind?