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[az_shrimp_horny]

[She wasn't going to do this... she really wasn't going to be that guy... but her talk with Aziraphale last night had worried her. If he was cracking under pressure or whatever the fuck that was she can't just leave all the newbies in the lurch.

What the fuck is wrong with her? She actually cares?! Fuck! It's okay. Just remember what Aziraphale said about teaching and leading and shit. But if she's gonna do this for real she's gonna do it her way.

So she sat on her couch in front of a plain white wall, nothing fancy. A framed candid photo of her and Rosabella hangs off to her right. Dressed in a comfy plaid shirt, she gives the mirror a lop sided smile before she begins to speak.]

Hey everyone, I'm Eleanor and I don't usually do this so I'm just gonna get straight to the point:

Alright, so, here's the deal. I'm not gonna sugar coat this for you - this place isn't the best. Some parts of it downright suck. But it doesn't have to completely suck. I know all you newbies are probably getting sick of hearing about everything. There's a loooooot of info. Take it from someone who hates reading anything longer than a couple'a pages, I getcha. So here are some cliffnotes:

-You can get some food for free at places in town - it's good shit, too. That'll help til you get a job or someone to freeload off of.
-The Emporium has everything you might need - ask for me or Michael, we'll help hook you up.
-Right now everything is fucking haunted. Don't fuck with the ghosts or they'll fuck with you... I speak from experience.
-Watch out on the full moon. Anyone who's a monster class starts looking and acting pretty wiggy. And... don't take it personally, they can't help it. On the new moon it's the exact opposite, so be nice.
-Don't do any missions til you've at least tried to do magic... they suck ass if you don't know what you're doing. During my first mission, one guy blew up one of our tents and made the other one invisible. Seriously. You try finding an invisible tent in the dark. It's not fun.

[No offense, Doctor. It was the best example she could think of...

She sighs, raking her hair back from her face. Realizing how she must sound, her smile turns a little apologetic.]

Listen... I know it's a lot. Trust me. I didn't believe a single word of it until I saw the corroded with my own eyes and actually did magic for the first time. But you're not alone. If you want help with magic and shit you can go talk to Aziraphale if he's around. He's one of the good guys and super easy to talk to. But you can also come talk to me. I've been helping with training, but I've also been giving a lot of advice lately. So I'm gonna put out a blanket offer to everyone, no matter how long you've been here:

If you need someone to train with, talk to, hang out with, bitch at or whatever, I'm your girl. I work at the Emporium, but hit me up through the mirror any time. I'll buy the first round of drinks. Booze, tea, coffee, milk and cookies, a thimble of something, whatever.

[She pauses, biting her lip]

Uuuuhhh yeah that's about it. [Another pause] Fuck, I don't know how to end this without sounding either really lame or super awkward... except now I just made it awkward by saying that. [She facepalms] Just... bye. Okay? Bye.

Comments

[az_shrimp_horny]

Rose... I love you, but sometimes I wish you came with cliffnotes.

[She sighs, waving a hand between them.]

Okay... I think somewhere in there I caught something about being yourself. So be yourself! Be the best fucking Rose Tyler there ever was! Fuck what everyone else is telling you you should or shouldn't do. [She pauses] I mean... maybe not entirely because you've still gotta follow rules and stuff. But don't let them tell you who you are. You are a badass blonde bombshell and no one can take that away from you. And [She gently nudges her arm] That's not gonna change because of some guy. You're not defined by who you're with, or not with. You're still gonna be you no matter what.

[bigbadrose]

Me too. [It's true though.]

Yeah, I mean that's true. [Bro-fists Eleanor, but sticks her tongue out the side in thought.] I do... change myself... to try to... I dunno.

Either stuff it, yanno, all up inside. [Chews her bottom lip hard, thinking about Madame du Pompadour, and Jimmy.] And the older Doctor told me not to. To just tell him things, so I'm trying. But -- [Doodles finger on the bartop.] Usually he brings out the best in me... annnd I dunno. [Knuckles both sides of her temples.] I don't want to disappoint him and it drives me mad. I'd never ask him to change to be with me, [Head shake!!!] But we don't want the same things and uuuugh... I just.... [Rubs temples] Keep me on track, yeah? If I get pulled into -- I dunno, doing something not me to just try to please someone else because I do and I hate that!

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Eleanor reaches out to pull her friend into a hug. She understands that pull very very well.]

I promise. If I ever see you trying to be anything other than you I'll let you know. You do the same, okay?

[bigbadrose]

You got it! [Winks and hugs back!] Though I really can't imagine you two doin' anything but makin' each other better!

He's more him around you. The him he wants to be, not the him that Shawn and the other demons ragged on, yeah?

[az_shrimp_horny]

[She blushes at that. Hey, Hey! Since when are they talking about her and Michael?!]

Yeah, I think you're right. He's definitely better without all the other demons around... at least without the ones from our universe.

[bigbadrose]

Not just that. I mean he's better since even just the difference between before you got here and when you did.

[az_shrimp_horny]

Really? Is it really that noticeable a difference?

[bigbadrose]

Oh yeah, totally!!! Even on the new moons. I mean, at first I thought he was just getting used to it, but given how the full moon messed with him and Crowley? Nah, it's all you. Besides, he said you were always the one that made him want to get better. I mean, it probably started off like a competition, and it must have drove him mad to lose but... [Rose shrugged, and sipped her silly straw drink.] It's like me and the Doctor too. Once it just becomes too obvious to fight anymore... It's nice. You get to enjoy it, yeah?

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Okay, she might be blushing a little.]

The stupid thing is that helping him be better made me want to be better. Can you believe that?

[bigbadrose]

Uh... Yeah!? [Laughs!!!]

[And spins around in her stool.]

[#TotallyAdult]

It's the same with me and the Doctor, but to be fair, I wouldn't have believed I was helping the Doctor either, I mean not right away, 'cept he keeps saying so, so yeah! [More laughs and nods.] It's easier when literally everything is easier together, yeah? It just makes everything else smooth sailing.

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Eleanor laughs with her friend, shaking her head at her antics.]

So, how are things with you and the Doctor? I mean, it's gotta be tough trying to keep three of them in line, now!

[bigbadrose]

[Groans and puts her arms on the bartop and head in the hands, and then downs YET MORE whiskey sour!]

The older him ran away. And whatever. It's what he does. It's what I do, but no head's up, no "hey that face of mine is here, and you're best equipped to handle it, see you when I stop having a panic attack," or nothing. And he took his oldest friend with him. And I dunno.

That says something, doesn't it?

[Huff. Puff. Fuck it. Angry tears.] Ugh! I just feel so stupid... [Growl growl growl.] He loves me even a thousand years later, but I can't snog him. I could probably snog his younger -- the new face, not Moe from the Three Stooges, but I don't even know if his older version would be hurt by that, or just decide he can't ever ever do anything romantic with me evar, and sod it, what do I know? Maybe he's already decided that, because he sure seems that way. [Huff. Red eyes. Drinks. Mumbles into her arm.] What's the point of a soulmate you can't even be with? And it's like... no matter what I do I'll lose part of myself. Giving up on his older version to just... let him run, take care of his younger self, do what he wants me to, no matter whether it hurts him or not. Or ignore that I'm not happy trying to always hold back and spare his feelings... [Growl growl growl.]

[az_shrimp_horny]

Rose.

[Eleanor took her by the shoulders, turning her to face her. She waited until their eyes met before she continued.]

You need to be true to yourself, remember. Here's what you've gotta do: you've gotta think about each one of 'em and decide which one you really want to be with. Assuming you want to pick one, to begin with. I mean, they aren't human, they could be cool with sharing I don't know. But stop thinking about this in terms of what they might or might not want. You're gonna drive yourself batshit if you do that.

[She let go of one of her shoulders, tapping Rose over her heart with one finger.]

Listen to this.

[bigbadrose]

[A quiet growl and a sigh, and another bad wolf huff.] I know what I want. Same thing as always. I don't want to write any of him off, but maybe I should. Not even just for him, for me, for my own bloody sanity, yeah?

And I don't want to wait indefinitely for him to get his shite together enough to be like "Oh yes Rose you can finally reach first base!" when I'm like... a century old and on my deathbed. Because I'll tell you, if I wait for him, that's how long it'll be. Madame du Pompadour actually died like that.

Uuuugh... [Groans and smacks her head into the bartop.]

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Eleanor has a light bulb moment. Her face lights up and she gently smacks Rose's shoulder.]

I've got it! I know what you've gotta do. Hey, look at me.

[Grinning, she re settled on her stool and leaned in.]

Ditch him. Not permanently, but just fucking ditch him. Stop trying to get into his pants or waiting for him to get his shit together. Maybe see if there's an eligible bachelor here to start hanging all over. Show him what he's missing out on! If he sees you moving on and flirting with other people maybe he'll get it through his thick skull that it's you he wants!

[bigbadrose]

Nah... [Laughs.] Done that. Had a boyfriend when I first met him. Even when the Doctor gets jealous, it doesn't like... overcome his "oh no she'll die before me," thing. Ever. Mickey, Jack, Adam, Dean, sometimes I swore he even got jealous about my Dad. And it backfires anyway, because he wound up flirting with Jack, I wound up feeling bad for tying up Mickey, never even wanted anything than just dancing, blimey. [Snorts and drinks.] Was in other universes, yeah? Thought I'd nevar see him again, so I could'a had any bloke if I wanted... But I didn't. Didn't want any. Focused on work.

Mind you, s'half what Michael figured I was doing. It's just not me. I can only flirt with like... someone I trust? Yeah. [Snorts again, and another drink, before curling back up in her arm.]

Mind you... I don't... I don't bloody need... [ T_T she might be having a moment here...] I'm fiiiiiiiiiiine. [Growl growl... crying... she's so fine.] Seriously. Honestly. Who needs -- [Waves a hand and gives up entirely, burying her face in her arm until she's good on tears.]

Men are stupid, maybe I'll just wait for him to regenerate into a woman. He could do that, you know.

[az_shrimp_horny]

Well fuck. See, this is what happens when I try to give advice about people who aren't human. I really should remember that...

[She sighs, wrapping an arm around Rose's shoulders.]

You're right. You don't need him. You're a stone cold hottie and he doesn't know what he's missing. It's his loss! You need to take care of you, girl. And I'll tell you what? You can flirt with me anytime you need a fix.

[Wink]

[bigbadrose]

Don't sweat it. [Waves a hand but then oooooooh snuggles! Hugs are always appreciated. She went nearly two years without hugs. And then looooooooots of them here, and still not enough? See also: drinking.]

Damn right!

[Punches the air and giggles, and then tries to sound like John Wayne... and it's really really bad!] So what's a fine lookin' girl like you doin' in a Corrupted place like this 'ere, Kingdom? Careful some demons don't snatch you right up, girl! [Finger guns and a wink. Yeah........ She's really fucking drunk.]

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Eleanor laughs, leaning back against her. They're both getting pretty plastered at this point.]

Hey, he can share. Maybe. Eh, he can live with it. Everyone needs some flirting now and again!

[bigbadrose]

[Snorts.] If I whinge about my youth, promise not to slap me?

[Waves a hand and giggles.] I used to be like that. [Bites her thumb in thought.]

[Last person she fancied outside of the Doctor..... was her male self. So. Yeah. And even now Rose isn't drunk enough to admit that.] Footloose and fancy-free according to the psychic paper I gave Jack! I should go back to that...

[az_shrimp_horny]

What the fuck is psychic paper?

[She shakes her head.]

But yeah! Be fancy free! Go for it! And I'll only slap you if you want me to or if you're being massively stupid.

[bigbadrose]

[Snort.]

Name on tin. Paper that's psychic, it shows mostly what you want it to. The Doctor uses it for IDs and whatever. Jack has some too! Torchwood is taught to see through it, annnd sometimes use it. One universe Dad tried to make some, but I don't remember if he failed. Might be a reason I'm blocking it out, or something made me forget. It's like that.

[Another snort. Fancy free....] I'm always stupid. Not really. But I can be.

[az_shrimp_horny]

Dude, that would have been way easier than my fake ID!

[She's joking... Or is she?]

Oh shut up. We're all stupid sometimes. Trust me, I've done some dumb shit in my day. Really, though, if you wanna hear about stupid I should tell you about Jason.

[bigbadrose]

Right? Luckily my Dad... sort of Dad. Step-Dad... [Blows cheeks out.] Remember how all my shit is insane? Yeaaaaaaaaah. So I was born in the Doctor's universe, but I landed in a parrallel universe, and that version of Peter Tyler, my Dad, got remarried to my birth Mom, and had a baby brother, and that Peter Tyler -- well ALL OF HIM is inventors, but that one is a director of Torchwood so he made a -- [Digs out her cellphone that has been three times modified now; it looks like a 2005 pink flip-phone, but it's got the Doctor's adjustments for time travel, and Cybus' upgrade to connect to all world-wide networks, and then her father's personal upgrades. It's also been taken apart and reassembled by other versions of him.... yeah.] It carries my credentials and it's like a universal credit card almost. So long as the world has the tech for it, it assimilates to it and overrides it. Verrrrrry handy. Except the part where I can't let it get into the wrong hands. And sometimes that includes other versions of him. He also likes to take it all apart even MORE because it's his own inventions, so he can see his thought processes, but it's weird for 'verses where like... there's no internet, or all manufacturing has been banned since the seventies or whatever.

It's also got a taser function for dealing with cybermen. Long story.

[Drinks!!!] Okay, tell me stories about him. It'll make me feel better to know that people can be thicker than me, and still get by, yeah?

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Yeah she just stares at her while she rambles. What? No, really, what?

Oh but yes, Jason. She grins, laughing.]

Okay, so I didn't know him while he was alive but let's start with how this dumb ass died. He had a bright idea to rob a pizza place by having his buddy Pillboi pretend to be a safe installer. But he was hiding inside. The plan was for him to get out of the safe when the place closed, rob the place, get back in the safe, and Pillboi would go the next day to get him out.

His genius plan to breathe while he was in there? A snorkel. And he did a bunch of whippets while he was in there. I don't think he gets why that didn't work.