2 // Temptation - Video // Late Evening

[serpentinthegarden]

[ The Liberty Inn was playing host to a very, very drunk demon. It had been days since the 'incident' and Aziraphale was apparently doing well... hiding out in the castle and training for the big mission. Crowley was not, neither training or doing well. He slammed the empty bottle back onto the table, knocking the little mirror open as he did so. ]

Just shouldn't have said anything at all... should have enjoyed it while it lasted...

[ He took a long swig from a freshly opened bottle. ]

It's not even like it matters here! It's been over a week! There's no end of the world, no Armageddon... No armies of Heaven or of Hell...

We could do anyth--... literally anything and no one would be around to check up...

[The bartender came around to clean up some of the empty wine bottles and his arm was clung to.]

I can't help that I'm a demon. I can't... it just happened. One day I was creating stars and the next... doing the backstroke in a pool of lava... 

[The poor bartender managed to pull his arm free and finding himself alone and depressed Crowley sighed into his bottle of alcohol..]

Demons don't care, don't love... shouldn't, so why does it hurt so much that he left... 

Comments

[serpentinthegarden]

[ The light rap had the bartender looking over at them but he returned to washing glasses when to seemed he wasn't needed. ]

Seems to be something that happens in bars anyway. People are always talking about more than they should.

[ Just as he had earlier. Oops! ]

I am curious about one thing, did you do one really huge terrible thing to end up in the 'Bad Place' or did it just happen?

[az_shrimp_horny]

[She lifted her drink in a small toast.]

A few of these helps with that, too.

[Two martinis and most of this drink and she was starting to slur just a tad. At the question she set her glass down and leaned forward on the bar with a soft groan.]

Mmmmmnooooo. I was a pretty mediocre person when I was alive. I don't think I was bad enough to be in the Bad Place, though. I used to think I should be in a "medium place"... Then I saw what that meant and it suuuuucks.

[serpentinthegarden]

[ The toast was shared as he agreed a few of those certainly didn't help prevent it! ]

That's the way it is. There are only ever a few demons, people, who ever really know where they are going to end up.

There's actually a medium place? What do they do?

[az_shrimp_horny]

There's only one person there. Mindy St. Claire. She's bonkers! But it's a fucking weird place. Like... All beige with warm beer and a juke box that only plays the Eagles...

[She winces.]

I mean... It's okay. But I guess that's the point.

[serpentinthegarden]

They actually made a whole middle ground area for one mad person?

[ Crowley's nose scrunched in a grimace. ]

Seems like a waste of effort.

[az_shrimp_horny]

Yyyyyup. All for one crazy coke head lawyer.

[She grimaced, too.]

It's cuz she was a trash person who did one really good thing before she died. So neither side could agree where she belonged.

[serpentinthegarden]

Must have been a really, really, really... REALLY good thing. It doesn't usually happen like that.

[ His drink had another sip taken from it. ]

Actually it never happens like that, not ever. Things are very black and white once you die. You are either good or you are evil, probably because angels and demons are that way. It's the only way they can see things.

[ It wasn't the only way he could see things, he noticed... and not for the first time. Only on this occasion he put that feeling into words. ]

Maybe humans can get away with that. Humans are more, just humans really, neither good or bad...

[az_shrimp_horny]

Yeah, it was something about a huge charity that'd help millions of people. I don't know, I wasn't really listening.

[She shrugged and took another sip of her drink.]

If you ask me the whole system is fucked up. Like... who decides about these points? And doing good shit doesn't count if your motivation isn't "pure." Th'whole thing's bullshit.

[serpentinthegarden]

[ Crowley bobbed his head once in a 'That's the way it is' sort of manner. ]

Do they pull that thing in your world where you are sitting around questioning things and they just say, 'It's the great plan', like that actually means anything?

[az_shrimp_horny]

Eh we usually got "God works in mysterious ways." [She snorted] Like what the fuck does that even mean.

[serpentinthegarden]

That is close enough really. There is a plan and you aren't meant to know it... I don't see what it so wrong about knowing the plan.

[az_shrimp_horny]

Me neither! An' you know what's the worst about you asking me all this stuff? Huh?

[She finishes off her drink and shakes the glass towards the bartender, signaling she'd like another.]

I don't even know what I don't know.

[Did Michael happen to mention those little mind wipes?]

[serpentinthegarden]

[ That seemed like a good idea to him. Crowley quickly downed that last gulp of alcohol and set his glass next to hers, two of these barkeep. ]

What do you mean you don't know?

[ Some one might not have brought that up at all. ]

[az_shrimp_horny]

So Michael suuuucked at torturing us. He made that neighborhood, right? But I kept fucking figuring it out! And every time I figured out we were in the Bad Place he'd wipe our memories and fucking start all over again.

[She leaned against the bar, looking at Crowley as she waited for their drinks.]

He wiped our memories like eight hundred times before one'a the other demons called him on his shit and he decided to team up with us. Mindy told us 'bout it, but Mikey fessed up to how many times he did it.

[serpentinthegarden]

[ What Eleanor said brought a faint smirk to Crowley's expression. That and... the barkeep had just arrived with a pair of refills for them both, though he did give Crowley a side-eyeing before leaving the drink on the bar. It was nearly cut off time for the demon. ]

Some how I knew he had to suck at it! The way he talked just... he had never even had a macaroon before! How can you torture anyone without knowing more about people?

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Don't you dare, bartender. Mama needs to drink. No she really doesn't.

She laughed.]

Right?! All of those assholes suck at anything that's not, like, stuffing people with hot dogs or cooking them into soup. Mikey knows a bunch about stupid shit like paperclips...

[serpentinthegarden]

[ Eleanor wasn't about to be cut off. She hadn't had nearly the same amount of drinks the very drunk demon had. ]

Soup is a classic.

[ Not saying he enjoyed watching souls boiled but it was a classic. ]

You could come up with some very creative tortures with paperclips...

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Yeah but unless he's gonna keep buying once he's cut off... She's SOL.

Also she's a squishy human it doesn't take nearly as much for her to get nice and drunk. She makes a dramatically grossed out face.]

Ew! Ugh I don't even wanna think about that.

...

And yet I am. Yeah you can get pretty creative with a paper clip.

[Sssssip. It's no wonder you went to the bad place, Eleanor.]

[serpentinthegarden]

[ Her dramatic face earned an ever so slight smile... which faded again as she proved she could be as diabolical as those who invented the Spanish Inquisition. ]

Leave it to humanity to find a way to keep papers organized and craft an unconventional weapon at the same time.

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Oh yea. She was a super shitty person. She did some horrible stuff when she was alive. But she'd gotten better!]

Ugh why would you even make me think about that? ... oh, right. You're a demon.

[She paused, looking him over]

Though... if you're getting all hot and bothered over an angel... you can't be all that bad either, amiright?

[serpentinthegarden]

I'm not getting all hot and bothered over an angel.

[ He grumbling with a very long and slow drink of his brew. By now he was thoroughly drunk though and alcohol did make him more talkative about things he really oughtn't be. ]

I'd like to be.

[ Very hot and very bothered... it just wasn't possible. ]

Humans just don't understand. Angels are good, pure, unco-- uncor--... God's chosen ones an' Demons are the opposite. We're evil, unforgivable, cast outs... Humans have the choice to be either one, or both... You can just decide to be both! There isn't any middle ground with my lot.

[ And that wonderful alcohol loosening lips again. ]

I've been trying to do good... just doesn't work out.

[az_shrimp_horny]

But why not?!

[Eleanor took a big swig from her drink and plunked it down, turning to face him more fully.]

Who the fuck cares about the rules if they're stupid and need to change? We're breaking the mother fucking mold over in my world. I say you should tell the powers that be to sit and spin and go rogue. Be good if that's what you want!

[She paused, thinking for a moment. The booze was definitely fogging her brain. She tried to find some kind of moral argument but they kept escaping her. Finally she added]

You gotta fight for what you really want. Are you willing to fight for your angel?

[serpentinthegarden]

This is the part you humans always do have trouble understanding. It was the same way with Rose. I am breaking the rules! Like... every single rule. I'm the master of breaking the rules! I'm sitting here in a bar, talking to a dead human girl, about the angel I would like to kiss again... how I'd even tried to do 'good deeds' just to fit in and make that possible, you can't do worst than that. You just can't. Not if you are a demon. If I were ever caught doing ANY of this my people would come up with a punishment for me that would make Micheal's retirement look like an afternoon picnic.

It just isn't enough. At the end of the day I'm still a demon, still inclined to do evil... it comes more naturally to me than good... and he can't associate with that.

[ He sank into his glass like he could drown in it as he settled in to break yet another diabolical rule, worrying about another more than yourself. ]

It isn't about what I want it's about what he wants. I can't force him to forget I'm a demon.

[az_shrimp_horny]

No, no, no. I get that! I get the [She makes a face and does a poor drunken imitation of him.] There are rules and you just can't break them thing. But none of that fucking matters here! I mean c'mon! Back home I was about to talk to some almighty judge to find out if I'd done enough to get a free pass to the Good Place. But the points don't mean shit here!

[She leans a little closer, pointing a finger at him.]

Speaking of points. My point is that your bosses aren't here. There's nothing stopping you from getting a little angelic booty. Why are you still worried about the rules when there's no one here to enforce 'em?

And, and. Aaaaaaad how do you know he doesn't want it? Did you ask? Huh?

[Says the girl who avoided talking to Chidi about the little filmed confession as long as she could. Pot meet kettle. How's it going?]

[serpentinthegarden]

The part you aren't getting is that I'm not the one saying that, it's Aziraphale.

And I know he doesn't want it because he ran off! Barely even said bye, told me he was going for a walk and then... he was gone. He hasn't been back to our hotel room since. I don't even know where he is!

Even some demons would take that as a hint!