It must be spring

[serpentinthegarden]

 The rose blossom popped open, producing a gorgeous bloom and Crowley glared at it disapprovingly. 

"Not yet! June I said! You're all meant to be blooming your brightest in June... It doesn't mean a thing if you do it early."

The rose dutifully folded back up to conserve it's strength for June as Crowley looked back towards the mound of cupcakes he had sitting on a table in his temporary workspace out in the castle training gardens. This sort of work couldn't be done inside... not when you were going as big and as flashy as he was. With a snap of his fingers the cupcakes turned into a much larger golden clad pillar of a cake. 

"Hm, might be too much 'golden throne'.'

He tried again and this time the cake was even larger with so many spires and decorations it almost looked more like a model than a cake.

"That's very 'cathedral'." Crowley frowned and tilted his head at some of the decorations, "Not sure about the little cherubs. I mean once you've met one they lose their charm... More modern maybe."

Crowley snapped his fingers again and this cake looked like it had flying flowers cascading their way around the center cake.

"Should it be all white? Nothing says a wedding cake had to be all white. I could add a touch of spice!"

And once again the cake transformed. This time into something black and red with a touch of angel. As he stood back admiring his work Crowley caught sight of a flash of light. His mirror was sitting out on the table and had apparently been capturing the whole display. His frown deepened instantly as he rolled his head in dramatic fashion but collected the mirror to do a touch of damage control.

"So I'm looking for a cake design, it's no big deal. I had thought it would be secret but... since it's not. Lydia, up for a job in June?"

Comments

[az_shrimp_horny]

She blinks, shaking her head, "No... no I can't. I mean, dude, a couple of months ago you were literally making a joke about you guys screaming which I totally get now and give you major props for. Now... now you just seem calm."

[blessedarethebookmakers]

"Oh, I assure you, I am not calm. I am a very close to, as they say, freaking out." A smile. "BUt it is for an imminently silly reason and one you can't possibly hope to understand so don't worry about it."

[az_shrimp_horny]

That was more like it. Eleanor leaned in, giving him a reassuring smile. "Try me. Please?"

[blessedarethebookmakers]

He took a deep breath. "When Crowley was an angel, not only was he the most gorgeous creature in existence and purer than anyone I've ever met, he also outranked me my several degrees and was quite possibly the one who was going to guard Eden. He was amazing. Brilliant. Holy. The most precious and pure being. He could have done so much good on Earth and could have, indeed, changed the course of the planet. Isn't that just wonderful? Doesn't it make you giddy?" His voice doesn't quite match up with the words. Regardless he smiles at the man who brings them a plate of what is colloquially known as 'pigs in a blanket'

"Try one?"

[az_shrimp_horny]

Eleanor listened, watching Aziraphale talk. She knew it was a huge deal that he was even talking to her about this at all, her being a lowly human and all that. But more than that, more than anything, he was her friend and she wanted to try to help.

As weird as it was to hear Crowley being described as 'pure.'

"Not exactly the word I would have used but sure." She didn't want him to stop so she thought it best just to agree... and take one of the pigs in a blanket because YUM.

[blessedarethebookmakers]

"Yes, well." He hadn't expected her to understand. How could she even begin to? It was beyond mortal comprehension. "I don't want any platitudes or words of sympathy but believe me when I say that he deserves far more than he is getting."

[az_shrimp_horny]

She sighed. She understood what was going on here.

"Aziraphale... I know what you mean. Really. Before I came here, before Michael and I got really close, I had a thing for Chidi. Kind of. I learned that in hundreds of the reboots Michael did, Chidi and I fell in love. It just... Didn't happen in the last one. For him, at least... But my point is that I can't see how it could have ever happened. He was a college professor who spoke a bunch of languages and was super smart. And I was just some chick who got killed by a driving billboard for dick pills after yelling at a guy trying to save the whales or some shit. "She paused, shaking her head," And don't get me started on Jason and Tahani because I have no fucking clue how that happened. And now I'm apparently in love with a squid in a human suit. My point is... Love doesn't care about rank or status or anything. It's just... Love."

She smiled, reaching out and patting Aziraphale's hand. "I've seen how Crowley is about you. He loves you. That's what matters."

[blessedarethebookmakers]

He sighs and pets her hand. She means well and he offers her a smile.

"You're quite right of course."

But it wasn't right. It was all well and good for a human to feel those things. Of course Crowley loved him but that wasn't the point. And why, well, because first of all he was a demon and even if e had never fallen he would have been an angel so love was a bit of a prerequisite.

He didn't even doubt the genuine feeling of it just-- He shook his head.

"It's about more than that. It's about so much more. It's about seeing such a force for good. Such a wonderful force of peace and...and good and everything an angel should be. To know what might have happened... The Earth, Her Earth could have had a star and a star may love all but that doesn't mean that all can ever compare to what the star means. To what was lost. It shouldn't grubby itself up."

[az_shrimp_horny]

He was lucky she couldn't read minds...

She frowned a little. "So... Is this about what could have been if he didn't fall? If he never became a demon?" at least give her credit for trying to understand.

[blessedarethebookmakers]

"Yes." And even after. To know just how much he had going for him. To know how much he meant. Aziraphale had always looked down on him, because, well, there was rarely any other direction to look but to know that Crowley could have been better than anything Heaven currently had on offer just hurt somehow.

It was even worse that he was a demon that wasn't even entirely bad or evil. That here he had the capacity for change and could become more. All Aziraphale could do was become less unless he tried very hard and even then he would only just be able to keep in step.

[az_shrimp_horny]

That took Eleanor a moment. She frowned slightly as she thought about that. That was a trickier thing than she'd really thought about before... But she could handle it.

"Aziraphale. Bud. I love you, but this is a bit of a stretch. You're worrying about something that might have been. That's like... Me refusing to be with Michael because he could have been a really good Bad Place architect and fucked up a lot of people. What difference does it make now?"

[blessedarethebookmakers]

"It is nothing of the kind." He took her hand in his. "My dear, you are human. You are made to be and do anything. The only expectation on you placed by heaven is to do as much good as you may. You were not created specifically to do something. To be something. You cannot hope to understand but I don't hold it against you."

[az_shrimp_horny]

She pulled her hand free, frowning at him. "Aziraphale, stop telling me I can never understand. Because if you ask me it looks like you're scared of commitment and coming up with any reason to avoid it. If love was as important as you keep telling me it is, it should be enough. So stop making excuses and take your own damn advice, already."

[blessedarethebookmakers]

"Commitment?" He blinked. "It's not about that at all. It's a bit nerve wracking but I could think of nothing else I'd rather do than to spend the rest of eternity with Crowley. I would fight heaven itself to keep him by my side and am proud to wear this ring." He twisted the one on his left hand.

"It's not about cold feet or trying to run -- I am just-- " He shook his head. "Being silly, I suppose. Thinking too much."

[az_shrimp_horny]

That brought a smile to Eleanor's face. She'd hoped a little nudge would bring that out.

"That's what I wanted to hear. You two are perfect for each other. Stop worrying and focus on what's important: wedding planning!"

Her smile widened to a grin. "So. June. Have you thought about what you want for, uh, any of it?"

[blessedarethebookmakers]

The distance between them was the distance between stars. He felt incredibly lonely suddenly, but quickly let the expression slide off his face into one of relief. No point in pressing on with it though perhaps he would restrict his drinking to the library and keep his own counsel.

"No... Well I'm not really the creative one, you know. I'll be happy with whatever is chosen so long as it's in good taste."

[az_shrimp_horny]

Eleanor shook her head. "uh-uh because if you don't have any say it's just going to be Crowley and me planning everything and who knows he that could end up. I mean, really."

She calmed, sighing and shaking her head. "Listen... I know I'm just a human and I don't get everything that's gone on between you two. But I care about you. More than I've cared about almost anyone." Whoops. Feels. She looked down at her drink, swirling the liquid in the glass. "I've never been part of a wedding before. I just want to help you two make it perfect, because you deserve it."

[blessedarethebookmakers]

She was sweet. He understood where she was coming from and what she meant to say. He even understood how she viewed him to some extent. And maybe she didn't understand him, but maybe he could try to help her to look beyond what was difficult even for him to see at times.

"I know you do. And you're the closest I've ever been to a human. I consider you a friend and a confidant. That you reach out and try to help is quite extraordinary, and your advice comes from your heart and your experience and it's a wonderful thing to cultivate. But I need you to listen to me. To hear me and who I am. I am a consumer, not a creator. I don't make beautiful things, but I admire them, collect them, judge them if need be. It's not a terrible thing and, in fact, I rather prefer it. Crowley is the one with the ideas. Though I have no clue as to how this will go, I imagine, he will go through them with me and together we will decide. Who knows? I may even come up with one on my own." A smile.

"And, of course, you are welcome to contribute any ideas you have. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I also know that you are worried about this--" He spread his hands to indicate the bar. "And I know you want to help, and I appreciate it, and I promise you, if I want advice, well, I could ask for no wiser woman to talk to... But, if you wish to help, I need you to listen. I have no one else to say thees things to. No one else to vent to. Perhaps one day I'll feel better about this silly little notion. Perhaps one day I'll move beyond it or accept what I cannot change. ... I -- I don't even know what I am searching for -- sympathy or empathy or-- just a willing ear. But I will say that your very admirable desire to try and fix things or make them better makes me feel pressured and I feel I can't be as open with you because I do so hate to disappoint you or make you feel as if you are worth less.

But you are worth so much. Your compassion and empathy and willing ear are precious. So, please. Please." He hesitated, thinking it through and said: "Firstly, understand that things take time, and for me, generally a lot of time. Decades. on occasion." A wry self depreciating smile. "Secondly, I don't want you to feel that you can never give advice but... perhaps... if you have advice to give, perhaps ask if I want it first? I might not or I might come to you later, but I cannot have the conversation of things that are important to me with -- that kind of interruption of my thoughts. Do you understand?"

[az_shrimp_horny]

Eleanor flushed, embarrassed, as she listened. She'd been so used to people coming to her advice that she didn't think. Really... She didn't know any other way.

She sighed, dropping her head. "I'm sorry. You're right. I just..." She sighed again, raking her fingers through her hair and giving him a sheepish smile. "I'm still learning how to help people, you know? But that's one of the things I love about our friendship. You're helping me be a better person." She paused, meeting his eyes, "I promise. I'll never give you advice again unless you ask me for it."

[blessedarethebookmakers]

"It's fine. It's what I do." A faint smile. "But... I am... well... Eleanor... it seems that-- and this is not a criticism but an observation-- that you help people so often. You're always putting yourself out there to be kind and to learn as much as you're able and always striving to be better."

[az_shrimp_horny]

She shrugged, "I guess I do. I never did that before I died, you know? But since then it's like everyone always comes to me for advice. I guess somewhere along the way that became my default setting."

[blessedarethebookmakers]

"Don't you ever get tired of it? Don't you ever miss just being...yourself?"

[az_shrimp_horny]

She frowned, shaking her head, "What do you mean? Are you saying that me helping people... isn't me?"

[blessedarethebookmakers]

"I don't know if it is or not. Only you can say that. Far be it from me to describe you to yourself." He sighed and settled back a little. "I just wonder if you ever tire of it. That's all."

[az_shrimp_horny]

Oof... way to make her second guess shit there, Aziraphale...

She mirrored his actions, raking a hand through her hair as she sighed. "I don't know... I guess I never really thought about it. I just do it." She paused, biting her lip. "Maybe sometimes. Sometimes it'd be a lot easier to just walk away and ignore everyone and take care of my own shit like I used to..."