WHADDUP TURDS! (CW: language)

[electricdynamo]

[A video feed crackles to life, showing a young woman with red hair and a severe case of argyria. For a moment, she looks like she's mock-preening, making a smoochy face and brushing some hair behind an ear. Then she gives what can only be described as a nasty grin, though there isn't anything inherently awful about it; it's just very wide and confident. Perhaps it's the pointy eyebrows.]

Well, well, well, get a load'a this place, huh? WILD. Never had anyone just hand over a whole-ass apartment rent free before! Little constricting, though. I'm more of a secret-underground-lair kinda gal.

ANYWAY, name's Livewire, sure am glad t'be here! Whoever ganked me got me out of one hell of a shit cake, let me tell you! I mean, who knew INTERPOL were such sticklers, am I right?

[She flops on the bed with her shoes on and toasts the camera with her free bottle of liquor.]

So, dicks, I'm told I'm a Monster, which, y'know - HA! - no surprise, there!

[Then her expression drops and she looks serious and thoughtful.]

But gosh darn it, it seems I ain't in Kansas anymore. You don't know me. So who's makin' this unkind-but-I'll-be-honest-completely-accurate assessment?

Comments

[phoenixwiz]

Oh, um, hi stranger. That is a, erm, colorful way to put it. The apartment is designated for us Apprentices to live in after all.

Anyway, I’m Harry and I’m one of the Apprentices here. I’ve been in the Kingdoms since last September. Did you ask either Merlin or Hades for the class assessment of yours?

[electricdynamo]

Well hell-o, four-eyes! Colorful, huh? I like that, life is so boring in black and white.

And you bet I have, kiddo, haven't you been listening?

[She leans in close and whispers harshly]

I'm the thing that goes bump in the night.

[GRIN]

[phoenixwiz]

(Harry is a little annoyed by the four eyes labels, but he’s trying not to lose his sanity right. And she is being actually funny too.)

Hmmm, nice to hear that, Livewire. I’m a Hero Apprentice, that means I fight as a leader or on my own and I have my eyes on the goal at hand. I have a weapon to fight and cast spells with.

[electricdynamo]

[She narrows her eyes when he mentions he's a hero]

That so.

[Then she smiles in a way that suggests daggers.]

Sounds a little rehearsed, pal. You take a Buzzfeed quiz to find that out?

[phoenixwiz]

No, it wasn’t rehearsed at all, Merlin told me of my class when I came here in a class assessment.

But what’s a Buzzfeed? (Sorry LW, but this guy came from a time when the Internet was still young and relied on phone dial up, and he was in a magic school most of the time.)

[electricdynamo]

[She just stares incredulously for a few moments, realizing her joke's gone completely over the boy's head]

Wow, kid. It's a uh...Internet thing.

[phoenixwiz]

Sorry if I wasn’t able to get the joke right away, I’m just not that into technology in my world and study in a magic school most of the time.

[electricdynamo]

[She looks bored, and pretends to examine her nails]

Mm-hm, wow, cool.

[Then she glances up with just her eyes, head still angled downward]

Seems we're all studying in a magic school, now, ain't we.

[phoenixwiz]

Hmmm, I see, it is in some way similar to my old school, except that my professors didn’t send me and my schoolmates on Missions to clear the Corrosion away.

[electricdynamo]

[She rolls her eyes with a look of disgust]

I don't do missions. That's for self-important pricks who think they've got a bigger purpose.

[phoenixwiz]

(Okay, that one really peeved him off, though it is not as bad as his experience with Mal during the Bubbles event.)

Well, you will have to get to used to doing it with other people in the Kingdoms real soon, whether anyone likes it or not. But our hosts did told us that we can’t be forced to do them if that’s not our thing. You can always lounge around in Main Street while everyone else is tackling the Corrosion somewhere else.

(Eh, he is pretty sure that maybe Livewire could find other ways to do something for the Kingdoms if she hates taking Missions in the first place.)

[electricdynamo]

Mmm. Lounge around on Main Street while everyone else is...somewhere else, huh? Sounds promising.

[phoenixwiz]

(Cue eye roll and a look of dismay)

It’s your choice, not mine. I don’t make the rules of this world, I’m just an Apprentice just like you.

[electricdynamo]

Yeah, sure baby, I'll see you on the flip side. This could be fun.

[voidalviera]

I- Ah-

Hello, Livewire.

[She's met some colourful people in her line of work, but this woman seems on a whole 'nother level. Then again, what's a Silver-skinned Red haired woman to a demon bunny rabbit?]

I'm afraid I have no idea where Kansas is, but I think the decision is made by the powers that be, and I don't think that's Merlin or Hades...

[electricdynamo]

It's an expression, honey bunny. Means I ain't at home anymore. No friends, no enemies, no reputation.

I'm sure I'll fix that soon enough.

[voidalviera]

And... which one is it that you're hoping to 'fix' first?

[Rice's brow raises inquisitively, and there's a small tug at the corner of her lips.]

[electricdynamo]

[She offers a simpering smile]

Oh golly gee, friends, of course.

[weaver_of_lies]

Another monster. Well its about time.

Our so-called superiors made the determination of your class, to answer your question. You are bound to meet them soon enough: an aging so-called wizard and a God with a wretched complex about himself.

They'll be fun to talk to, if you can catch them at the time they pretend to care what is going on in our lives. For the rest of the time, there are your fellow Apprentices to talk to.

[electricdynamo]

Oh yeah, Big Blue. Met 'im. He sicc'd his creepy little pet on me. Swear t'God, if I ever see that pointy little turd again, I'll twist his head off.

[weaver_of_lies]

The Lord of the dead?

You certainly aim high. That's admirable in its own way.

[electricdynamo]

NAH, his shitty pet monkey with horns. His head looks like a zigzag corkscrew.

[She offers a predatory grin]

Perfect for twisting.

[weaver_of_lies]

Ah yes, his minions. Well. That's what they're there for, one presumes.

And how are you fairing so far, given the parameters of this place?

[electricdynamo]

If you mean the apartment, I'm finding it a little constricting, but hey, it's a gift horse and all.

[Livewire pauses, narrows her eyes a little, and tilts her head, finally taking a moment to assess the figure on her 3M. Then she smiles as normal a smile as she can manage.]

But I'm greeeaaaaat. This place is... [The smile is a little strained now] ...it's just great.

[weaver_of_lies]

Are you used to more space than that? Considering most of us have a lack of roommates, I would think you'd have a pretty decent amount of space.

[Not enough for Shadow Weaver, who was also sans roommate, but she was used to more room herself].

You are hardly convincing. I assure you, no one is monitoring our conversation. You can be as candid as you wish.

[electricdynamo]

Let's just say it could use a little more basement.

[Her smile drops into something a little less cheerful and a little more cynical]

I'll be honest, it's better than the back of a police transport van, but my mojo seems t'be on the fritz. You wouldn't happen to know where a girl can find a substation around here, wouldja?

[weaver_of_lies]

So a subterranean dwelling. Interesting idea.

[A lab. She could almost remember something like that. Hordak had given her a room, but it was for his plans, his intentions. As he had made clear to Shadow Weaver when he demoted her, those things were not set in stone. So Shadow Weaver always had to be content with scraps].

Mojo? Do tell.

[electricdynamo]

[She nods thoughtfully]

I am a little disappointed with the lack of dormant volcano lairs available for rent-to-own.

[Then, when asked about 'mojo'...]

Y'know. This.

[With a grin, she wiggles her fingers and little arcs of electricity crackle around and between them like ribbons]

Might look pretty, but it's all jacked up. D'you have any idea how hard it is to kill someone around here?

[She looks terribly inconvenienced by this]

I couldn't take some dumb kid with glasses! GLASSES.

[weaver_of_lies]

Ah. I don't know if we have anything quite that remote and accommodating here yet. Everything so far is gumdrops and lollipops and such.

[Revolting, in other words].

I assure you that was done on purpose. Murder between Apprentices is prohibited.

[She did like the way she thought though].

Ah, the magical boy. Well. To be fair, he isn't exactly a sniveling weakling by some standards.

[electricdynamo]

[Everything that Shadow Weaver says gets a progressively more and more irked expression until the villain looks positively petulant.]

......

This place is the donkey raping, dick eating worst. How am I supposed to burn a city with lollipops?

[weaver_of_lies]

[...Donkey raping...]?

Those with less pure intentions in this place do tend to find it difficult to adjust, myself included. But the power you gain manifest overtime. I assume that you know your class already?

[electricdynamo]

Less pure intentions, huh? Kinky.

Yeah, yeah, monster, wow, original. [She gives a brief roll of her eyes, not particularly minding the designation, but finding it a little on the nose.]

So murdering other....Apprentices?...is out, okay. How about civilians?

Ooh! How about. If it's an accident. Gosh gee, Mr Hades sir, I dunno what happened. I was making toast and the whole building just went up in flames. Maybe you should use more asbestos next time.

[weaver_of_lies]

I meant the malevolent. I've yet to meet anyone with...crude intentions other than the crass jokes for the poltergeist.

Ah, monster. So we're in good company at least.

You seem quite fixated on killing. Is this something you just do in your world?

[Not that she saw why Hades would have issue with this].

[electricdynamo]

Hey hey hey, not fixated, just...........

[She waggles her upper body indecisively for a moment]

...completely unconcerned with the value of human life. Call it a side effect of having a little fun.

[weaver_of_lies]

One needn't kill off people to have fun. Often than not, it is messy and bring ire down on you from others.

[electricdynamo]

Like I said, babe, it's a side affect. I'm all about taking what I want. And sometimes...

[shrug]

...people get in my way.

[weaver_of_lies]

"Babe?"

So you are an opportunist to a cutthroat degree. That should certainly upset the higher ups.

Then again, Beetlejuice exists, and he has hero status. This makes even less sense.

[electricdynamo]

Sure, now you're gettin' it. Sometimes what I want is chaos and destruction, sometimes what I want is a Kit Kat bar.

And sometimes what I want is to find out how bad this place screwed up my power by cookin' a kid like a Hot Pocket.

[weaver_of_lies]

[A kit kat bar]?

I believe there are usually limits in place to prevent such a thing, and even if you attempt it, you will definitely earn the ire of some of the apprentices here.

Remember, relatively speaking, we are all in the same proverbial boat. You would be making things worse for yourself by attacking one that has no stake in our mission.