Video / Lamplighting

[bigbadrose]

They say you never forget how to ride a bicycle, yeah?

[Rose pans her mirror down from her waaaaay tall bicycle.]

I really hope that's true, because I don't much like my chances of getting back on it if I fall. Wish me luck!

[She sets out, and so far, so good.] Okay, so anyone else get jobs yet and all that? Give me sound my first night out, since I didn't wanna risk my cybud up here.

[Exclusively for her "roommates," there's a pair of cupcakes, one for 12 and Michael respectively. 12's is banana with edible ball-bearings, and Michael's is devil's chocolate with a paperclip. Both have messages.]

Comments

[takeitsleazy]

[OH FOR CRYING--]

Not actually a man, Rose. You don't want to know how many times Eleanor tried to seduce me to get out of the Neighborhood.

[he makes a little face. sex. ick. he's barely comfortable living normally in this weird body, never mind doing sonething like that with it. wearing him down is going to be A Project if she really wants it]

[bigbadrose]

I don't know if you noticed, but neither is my soul mate.

What happened when Eleanor tried?

[Rose is unperturbed, mainly because she is 100% larking about. She'd have to back pedal more if he said yes.]

[takeitsleazy]

[deep breath]

No, Rose.

[ask her yourself later. maybe.]

[bigbadrose]

[Growls. At herself, not at him.]

[He went and made it un-fun.]

[Not that she can really blame him.]

Okay, for what it's worth? I was kidding. Glitter is used as booty dust at strippers, because it's impossible to get rid of, so it's a way out outing cheaters, and working with it is supposedly a special ring of hell, that's the part that cracks me up about it, yeah?

[Sighs and armfold, leaning on the bicycle carefully.]

That hits me in the ego, I hope you know. Worse than Jack getting to do all the seducing of watch guards. Not even pretending to give a damn. Ouch. [But her eyes and expression are all playful as she covers her heart with both hands.]

[takeitsleazy]

Okay, I didn't know that about glitter. You're right, that IS funny.

[he gives a sort of dark yet dorky chuckle that completely and utterly outs him as the demon he is underneath, then sobers up and leans back, putting his feet up. he's not aware that stretching those ridiculously long legs out maaaay not be helping]

... Look, Rose, I know it's got to be torture all on its own when your soulmate is shutting you down harder than a Windows ME blue screen of death. This is the sort of stuff I used to engineer. I can spot it a mile away. But ... I'm just not rebound material. Rebounds in general are a bad idea. That's how you get things like Derek. And trust me when I say we have enough going on without that hot steaming pile of shirt.

1/2

[bigbadrose]

Right?! [Giggles with him, glad she explained it now.]

[bigbadrose]

[And then winces. o_< oh she has regrets about joking in this direction. In public. While on a ridiculously tall bike.]

[Such fucking regrets.]

Okay.... slow your bleeding roll.

One, no.
Two... also no.

[Rubs her face with one hand, and wobbles on the bike, but catches it quickly at least. Her adrenaline junkie and gymnastics balance is coming in handy in the real world, who knew?]

Firstly, the Doctor always does that. And I told you before why. Because whatever you want to call being soul mates, it doesn't mean shite with all the other stuff in the way.

And you know what? It's okay. It is. I get it. We just want different things from existence. That's nobody's fault, it just is. It's something to deal with, yeah?

Secondly, you? Not a rebound. I'm not a... rebound girl. Because I don't know how your friend with the love of shrimp was, but me? I don't do that. I dated Mickey after Jimmy, because I dated Mickey before Jimmy. He was my best friend all childhood, and told me I was daft for running off with Jimmy in the first place. And the Doctor was never a rebound from Mickey. The Doctor was in spite of Mickey. Because I've always loved Micks, but I don't think either of us were ever really in love with each other, because we also want different things. And even when I was stranded a universe away with no way to get back to the Doctor, I didn't use Mickey like that, because I can't, I won't, I'm not that way. It wouldn't be fair to him, or me. And that's why I didn't date around either. Because I won't waste my time on someone I don't want.

And that's point three, yeah? I'll never use someone as a substitute for what I really want. Got it? So me? Hitting on you? That's real. Because I want to. If it's bothering you -- [Laughs and shakes her head.] Believe me, I'll stop. But I'm not doing it to ignore how I feel about the Doctor, because I already know. He already knows. And no amount of anything: sex, friends, end of the world, torture, drinking, you name it, can ever change that. My parents begging me to move on and join them couldn't. It's not a will thing or something I can just turn off. Rebounds always hurt everyone. I'll never bother with that. I couldn't even use a guy to distract myself when I actually really did believe I'd never see him again. I'll only do what I want to do. Who I want to do. To the utmost. I will never settle for less than what I actually want.

Listen yeah? Closest I came was when I was still seeing Micks, and the Doctor and Jack kept flirting with each other and leaving me out, so I called up Micks to have someone I could snog guilt-free. And you know how well that worked? Catastrophically. I didn't even get to snog him, and I wound up feeling guiltier than ever and hating it, because he was so willing to drop everything to come see me, he wasn't taking care of his own life outside of me. I never want to be that woman, I never want to even accidentally make someone else that man. So I promise, Michael. You and me isn't about anyone else. The Doctor can make his choices, I can make mine. I'd never shag someone to hurt him, or pretend I'm through with him, because he and I will never be over. But also, I hold myself in higher regard than that. If something's worth doing, I don't want to do it halfway. I don't want to be doing it for any reason other than I want to, got it?

Finally...

What's a Derek?

[In a weird way, it's actually... really fucking refreshing. Because Michael's sheer bluntness lets HER be blunt and direct and god knows, after all the dimension jumps, she struggles so hard with anything else. And the Doctor, the older one at least, struggles so hard to keep being kind and patient with her that it's actually maddening! So this... yeah.]

[takeitsleazy]

[so. much. human. emotional. bullshirt.

at "your friend with the shrimp", he thinks about Eleanor for a bit. he knows exactly how Eleanor did things. he knows everything about her. he also is pretty sure that rebounds are not in Chidi's ethical dictionary, so he's got no idea if her policies would have even changed on that. but why is he even thinking about that? Eleanor is almost, possibly, actually back with her walking sweater vest, and his plan worked. .... which he isn't ecstatic about, and that doesn't make sense. he doesn't like finding out things don't make sense, because when they are human type things, they tend to hurt to figure out. like Janet and Jason. or the concept of death. or failure. he makes a conscious decision not to think about it.

instead, he tunes out to eat his cupcake and gets lost flipping his shirt over how delicious it is, and then wondering why it's called devil's chocolate, and then how she made the paperclip...

... and she's getting louder. they tend to get louder when they're upset. he yanks himself back away from cupcake land to Upset Human Woman World and adapts his best I've Been Listening This Whole Time face.]

So you've got that sorted out? Good. Because frankly, Rose, you're kind of a hot mess. But not as much as Derek.

See, Janets aren't supposed to fall in love, but mine evolved so much that she did, with Jason.

[HE KNOWS, RIGHT?]

Only, something went wrong with the Neighborhood, and I had to wipe their memories and start over. Jason ended up with Tahani, and Janet was starting to glitch, causing earthquakes and random object impermanence, the works.

[his hands flutter demonstratively as he talks]

I figured out that it was because she was lying about being happy for them - it violates a Janet's basic programming - and Eleanor said that if she had a rebound it might make it easier for her to not think about Jason... But there were only two humans, so ... Janet made one. Derek.

[he breathes in, long and slow, the sort of universal signal for "how can I be nice about this", then decides, fork it, she'll laugh]

He was an absolute imbecile with only the vague suggestion of a brain. And wind chimes for genitals.

[bigbadrose]

[She rubs her temples thinking about the TARDIS making a mini-TARDIS out of jealousy over the Doctor... it's a thing...]

[But then she bursts out laughing and falls off her bike about the windchimes.]

[That's glorious.]

Brilliant.

[takeitsleazy]

[oop. there she goes. ... another evil cackle. because COME ON, there is a reason AFV is still A Thing]

So she had to reabsorb the bit of knowledge she gave him... and now he's in the Medium Place. Which I don't think I told you about yet and even though that was really funny I just remembered I should ask if you're okay.

[bigbadrose]

[Oh, it's totally funny, Rose agrees.]

[AND STILL LAUGHING!!! And she's so tickled, she manages to fire off some light for a few of the streetlamps.]

Windchimes...

[She's dying. She loves it.] So what's the Medium Place?

I'm fine, ta, how's the cupcake?

[takeitsleazy]

Delicious! What makes it devil's food? Or were you just calling it that? More important than that, or the Medium Place ... How did you just do that?! Mine still don't work!

[bigbadrose]

Sinfully delicious.

[Sly smirk and fingertip to her nose.] We also have angel hair pasta, and angel food cake, but devil's food's always better. Don't tell Aziraphale.

Merlin said my magic is tied to my emotions. So I guess when I'm laughing a lot, it's really easy! But that's going to make battling... pretty difficult, huh?

You should try... when you're protecting people. [Holds up both hands.] That's not me flirtin', even if it is why I like you. But you were able to get the barrier off, and tell off Hades when you were protecting others. I think that's probably your best strength, yeah?

Hey, Michael?

[takeitsleazy]

[that observation catches him so far off guard that he doesn't even realize she was trying to ask him something]

Uh, yuh -- Yeah? What?

[bigbadrose]

[Kicks her bike back up, and darn. No amount of wishing is going to get her back up there. Oh well, back to the ladder she goes. Definitely need to ask the Doctor about making her a built in one on the bike itself.]

I really do have a thing for you. I just realized. All joking aside. Is that gonna be a problem if I promise I won't act on it, unless you want me to?

[Walking the tall bike, is really really funny, and while Rose isn't having another fit of giggles, she's very highly amused about it.]

[Normally, she'd leave it there, but she feels like she should buy him more time to process it.]

I used to meaninglessly flirt with Jack and stuff; well mostly banter. he'd flirt, I'd tell him to dream on. But if ya need me to back off, I will.

[takeitsleazy]

Unclear.

[he says it the same way Janet would, flat yet cheerful.]

No one's ever... "had a thing" for me, as far as I know. I can certainly assure you I don't have one for you, but that you definitely match up to people I've come to consider friends. Isn't there some Zoning thing that is really horrifically insulting? That's ... not what I mean. I should probably say that, right? Ugh. You have to understand, this is all an extremely recent development in the scheme of things.

[bigbadrose]

[Laughs and bites her thumb.] Okay, relax. I've already gotten the "for a human" speech like eighty times from the Doctor. Don't break your brain trying to think about it. It's a door, or a window, just leave it open, see what happens. Maybe the breeze will be good for you. If there's things you don't like, let me know when that happens. Sounds fair?

[More laughs.] Wait, so all those times Eleanor tried to seduce you, it wasn't... legit? Damn, that's harsh. For what it's worth, the only thing I want from you is just you know... this. [Still more laughs.] Being able to laugh again. It's nice. For awhile I didn't think I ever would again.

Oh, but -- do us both a favor. Don't try to scare me. The more you try, the more I want to do -- [Her expression flickers, trying to figure out how to phrase it.] Rascally terrible things. Anything to confuse you and take you off guard, and act in ways you can't predict. You know how the younger Doctor summoned flaming hats? Well, I'm a bit like that too. My element isn't... so chaotic, but my head and heart are.

Keeping me at arm's length is easy. Just do it for your sake, not mine.

[takeitsleazy]

She was trying to, uh.

[he sighs. if he could show Eleanor how cruel he'd been to her and Chidi, and not lise them ... maybe there was hope. maybe he was worrying over nothing. even so, he lowered his voice, because he'd promised Crowley he'd try to be more discreet about it in case anyone was listening in]

Rose, I need to level with you on something. Those neighborhoods I built... They weren't part of The Good Place.

[bigbadrose]

[Rose keeps waiting for the big reveal.]

[....]

[Oh. Oh. That was it.]

[Rose nearly blurts out, "No, shit," but luckily her empathy overrides any bluntness. To Michael this might be some big secret. Like how the Doctor could sometimes get super squirrel-y about not being human. Or even being the Doctor. Good reasons, and with Aziraphale around...]

I knew that, buddy. Even if devils is racist, they're not going to be getting gigs designing parts of heaven, kind of defeats the purpose of even having two separate things.

I also know that your Janet was stolen. No worries, so was -- well, never mind.

Although when you mentioned how she had to be rebooted a lot and stuff, was that because she kept figuring out stuff was bad? Because the TARDIS doesn't deal well outside the timestream of the Doctor's universe, so I assume it was a little weird for Janet in a trap neighborhood, yeah? Doable. Just as you can finagle the TARDIS in other universes, sometimes, barely, but it takes a lot of work.

[takeitsleazy]

[he blinks rapidly, tilts his head, and licks his lower lip while that processes. she knew. and she's not flipping out. what. ... it figures. he sighs.]

Actually, it wasn't Janet. It was usually Eleanor. Except for the one time it was Jason. That one hurt. ... I had to keep wiping their memories and restarting, so my boss wouldn't think I failed and force me into retirement. ... Eventually I realized that it might work better if the four of them were in on it.

[bigbadrose]

Jason?

Jason the locked himself in a safe to rob a place, Jason???

Uh... What happens in retirement?

Good plan, hot-shot. How'd that work out for you?

[takeitsleazy]

[it's his turn to regret this being a public conversation and get defensive, all of a sudden. he knows Jason figuring it all out was a low point, a personal insult, and sets his jaw. then she asks about retirement, and his stomach curdles with dread. but her calling him hot-shot is the last straw, because she's ... she's not allowed to insult him like that. she's just not.]

F.Y.I, it was on the way to working out very well, before I ended up in this sad excuse for a Neighborhood with an even sadder excuse for a - a -

[oh]

Just get back on your bike and do your stupid job. Oh, and by the way: soulmates aren't real! I made it up! For the Neighborhood!

[there, that's better. now. has Aahz found amd drank all the alcohol?]

[bigbadrose]

[Aw, she meant it as a compliment, but she can see he's really burned up about it.]

Hey. Meet me as soon as I finish, I'll buy us some drinks and you can tell me every structural flaw with this place, okay?

You're cute when you're steaming.

And I'm actually really impressed. Most people wouldn't have the guts to change tracks or tactics. It takes real ingenuity, yeah? Remember what I said about immortals being kinda pathetic?
Even the Doctor was getting prickly because he was including himself in that, I think.

Don't be so hard on yourself just because you're starting from scratch here. You're further than you think.

[takeitsleazy]

I know I am.

[his voice is quiet, sullen, a perfect picture of a sulking child who is trying to pretend they're mad so they'll be left alone with their embarrassment]

I got a human starter kit and everything.

[bigbadrose]

[Very very cute.]

[Her only regret is that she's not already there in person, and she's definitely debating ditching work to check on him.]

What's that come with?