bigbadrose: (wry grin)
[personal profile] bigbadrose posting in [community profile] smk_network
They say you never forget how to ride a bicycle, yeah?

[Rose pans her mirror down from her waaaaay tall bicycle.]

I really hope that's true, because I don't much like my chances of getting back on it if I fall. Wish me luck!

[She sets out, and so far, so good.] Okay, so anyone else get jobs yet and all that? Give me sound my first night out, since I didn't wanna risk my cybud up here.

[Exclusively for her "roommates," there's a pair of cupcakes, one for 12 and Michael respectively. 12's is banana with edible ball-bearings, and Michael's is devil's chocolate with a paperclip. Both have messages.]

Date: 2019-08-01 03:47 pm (UTC)
takeitsleazy: (let me use small words for you)
From: [personal profile] takeitsleazy
[so. much. human. emotional. bullshirt.

at "your friend with the shrimp", he thinks about Eleanor for a bit. he knows exactly how Eleanor did things. he knows everything about her. he also is pretty sure that rebounds are not in Chidi's ethical dictionary, so he's got no idea if her policies would have even changed on that. but why is he even thinking about that? Eleanor is almost, possibly, actually back with her walking sweater vest, and his plan worked. .... which he isn't ecstatic about, and that doesn't make sense. he doesn't like finding out things don't make sense, because when they are human type things, they tend to hurt to figure out. like Janet and Jason. or the concept of death. or failure. he makes a conscious decision not to think about it.

instead, he tunes out to eat his cupcake and gets lost flipping his shirt over how delicious it is, and then wondering why it's called devil's chocolate, and then how she made the paperclip...

... and she's getting louder. they tend to get louder when they're upset. he yanks himself back away from cupcake land to Upset Human Woman World and adapts his best I've Been Listening This Whole Time face.]


So you've got that sorted out? Good. Because frankly, Rose, you're kind of a hot mess. But not as much as Derek.

See, Janets aren't supposed to fall in love, but mine evolved so much that she did, with Jason.

[HE KNOWS, RIGHT?]

Only, something went wrong with the Neighborhood, and I had to wipe their memories and start over. Jason ended up with Tahani, and Janet was starting to glitch, causing earthquakes and random object impermanence, the works.

[his hands flutter demonstratively as he talks]

I figured out that it was because she was lying about being happy for them - it violates a Janet's basic programming - and Eleanor said that if she had a rebound it might make it easier for her to not think about Jason... But there were only two humans, so ... Janet made one. Derek.

[he breathes in, long and slow, the sort of universal signal for "how can I be nice about this", then decides, fork it, she'll laugh]

He was an absolute imbecile with only the vague suggestion of a brain. And wind chimes for genitals.

Date: 2019-08-01 04:13 pm (UTC)
takeitsleazy: (would you look at that)
From: [personal profile] takeitsleazy
[oop. there she goes. ... another evil cackle. because COME ON, there is a reason AFV is still A Thing]

So she had to reabsorb the bit of knowledge she gave him... and now he's in the Medium Place. Which I don't think I told you about yet and even though that was really funny I just remembered I should ask if you're okay.

Date: 2019-08-01 04:25 pm (UTC)
takeitsleazy: (joy.)
From: [personal profile] takeitsleazy
Delicious! What makes it devil's food? Or were you just calling it that? More important than that, or the Medium Place ... How did you just do that?! Mine still don't work!

Date: 2019-08-01 04:39 pm (UTC)
takeitsleazy: (buh?)
From: [personal profile] takeitsleazy
[that observation catches him so far off guard that he doesn't even realize she was trying to ask him something]

Uh, yuh -- Yeah? What?

Date: 2019-08-01 05:19 pm (UTC)
takeitsleazy: (buh?)
From: [personal profile] takeitsleazy
Unclear.

[he says it the same way Janet would, flat yet cheerful.]

No one's ever... "had a thing" for me, as far as I know. I can certainly assure you I don't have one for you, but that you definitely match up to people I've come to consider friends. Isn't there some Zoning thing that is really horrifically insulting? That's ... not what I mean. I should probably say that, right? Ugh. You have to understand, this is all an extremely recent development in the scheme of things.

Date: 2019-08-01 05:40 pm (UTC)
takeitsleazy: (we can figure this out)
From: [personal profile] takeitsleazy
She was trying to, uh.

[he sighs. if he could show Eleanor how cruel he'd been to her and Chidi, and not lise them ... maybe there was hope. maybe he was worrying over nothing. even so, he lowered his voice, because he'd promised Crowley he'd try to be more discreet about it in case anyone was listening in]

Rose, I need to level with you on something. Those neighborhoods I built... They weren't part of The Good Place.

Date: 2019-08-01 06:45 pm (UTC)
takeitsleazy: (linkin park lyrics go here)
From: [personal profile] takeitsleazy
[he blinks rapidly, tilts his head, and licks his lower lip while that processes. she knew. and she's not flipping out. what. ... it figures. he sighs.]

Actually, it wasn't Janet. It was usually Eleanor. Except for the one time it was Jason. That one hurt. ... I had to keep wiping their memories and restarting, so my boss wouldn't think I failed and force me into retirement. ... Eventually I realized that it might work better if the four of them were in on it.

Date: 2019-08-01 07:04 pm (UTC)
takeitsleazy: (and all the powers of hell)
From: [personal profile] takeitsleazy
[it's his turn to regret this being a public conversation and get defensive, all of a sudden. he knows Jason figuring it all out was a low point, a personal insult, and sets his jaw. then she asks about retirement, and his stomach curdles with dread. but her calling him hot-shot is the last straw, because she's ... she's not allowed to insult him like that. she's just not.]

F.Y.I, it was on the way to working out very well, before I ended up in this sad excuse for a Neighborhood with an even sadder excuse for a - a -

[oh]

Just get back on your bike and do your stupid job. Oh, and by the way: soulmates aren't real! I made it up! For the Neighborhood!

[there, that's better. now. has Aahz found amd drank all the alcohol?]

Date: 2019-08-01 07:22 pm (UTC)
takeitsleazy: (linkin park lyrics go here)
From: [personal profile] takeitsleazy
I know I am.

[his voice is quiet, sullen, a perfect picture of a sulking child who is trying to pretend they're mad so they'll be left alone with their embarrassment]

I got a human starter kit and everything.
Edited Date: 2019-08-01 07:22 pm (UTC)

Date: 2019-08-01 07:36 pm (UTC)
takeitsleazy: (linkin park lyrics go here)
From: [personal profile] takeitsleazy
It came with ...

[maybe it's the fact that Hoodie Day is nigh. or maybe he really just has too many feelings. hint: it's the latter. just trying to recall everything in that stupid little box is making him feel like someone is scooping out space below his ribs with one of those serrated melon ballers]

None of it mattered. So ... It all did. That was what it came with.

[understanding. the fact that something doesn't have to mean something to anyone else. just to you]

Date: 2019-08-01 07:49 pm (UTC)
takeitsleazy: (would you look at that)
From: [personal profile] takeitsleazy
[he clears his throat. straightens his bowtie. pushes it all down, even if just for now.

smiles.]


I see you're trying to change the subject. Would you like some help with that?

Date: 2019-08-01 08:55 pm (UTC)
takeitsleazy: (ye olde thyrst trappe icon)
From: [personal profile] takeitsleazy
No, humans did that one all on their own, but someone in my office had it installed as part of her 9D CAD program. You know. For laughs. It just took me a minute to remember. Heh.

I don't know quite what it is about paper clips. I just... They're so good. Simple.

[he fidgets with the bracelet a moment, and realizes that now he's the only one who knows its story. that doesn't seem fair. he holds his wrist up to the mirror]

Eleanor made me this, yanno. Before I ever had to reboot the neighborhood...

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good to end here on this one?

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