[Text]

[az_shrimp_horny]

I'm not going to waste everyone's time with a bunch of excuses. I just wanted to clear the air and say I'm sorry to Atem for calling him out for trashing the apartments. He was under the witches' control and didn't know what he was doing. Try not to hold it against him.

[Some apprentices will be receiving boxes from the Emporium delivered by one of the employees. Inside are a few items and a handwritten letter in an envelope.

Aziraphale
Crowley
Ace
Second Doctor
Sylvando

She may or may not respond to anyone. She's just going to be hiding in her apartment for the indeterminate future.]

Comments

Aziraphale

[az_shrimp_horny]

[Inside the box are the nicest tea cup and saucer she could find and a box of English tea]

Dear Aziraphale,

I don't know where to begin. Just saying I'm sorry doesn't feel like enough. I may not have been myself, but I remember everything. And what I did to you makes me feel physically ill. I feel like I let you down. I took everything we've talked about and just ground it into the dirt. I considered you one of my closest friends here and... Well let's just say I'm not expecting you to invite me to tea again any time soon. And I don't blame you. If I could ditch myself I would.

All I wanted was to keep people from getting hurt. I thought if I could stop the witches myself, or at least one of them, I could protect the people I care about. But I ended up a fucking puppet and hurt people more than the witches could have. I fucked up and the people I care about paid the price. That's inexcusable. Michael keeps telling me that everyone is okay and things will be alright but I don't think I can just move on like nothing happened. I can't be like "Hey I know I just tried to kill you but let's do lunch!" it just feels wrong and unfair. So I'm doing everyone a favor and just staying away. You should find someone else to help with training. Use me as a warning of what not to do. That seems more fitting for me, anyway.

Shit. I didn't want to make this all about me. I'm just really bad at apologies. I can't even put into words how sorry I am for what I did to you... And what I put Crowley through. Shit like this is why I was sent to the Bad Place.

I'm not trying to buy your forgiveness or anything cliche like that. I just wanted to do something nice, as small as it is, to try to offset some of the nastiness.

I'm really, truly sorry.

Sincerely,

Eleanor

P.S. I hope someone was able to get your wings back the way they should be. You're too good to be a fallen angel.

[blessedarethebookmakers]

[the letter is slipped under her door, smelling faintly of lavender and honeysuckle]

My dearest Eleanor,

Thank you very much for the cup and saucer (so elegant) and the tea. I could never go far without that staple. Though I do like my cocoa! (Perhaps overmuch)

You were foolish to go to the witches on your own. Yet, I think we all are foolish in one regard or another. Dreamfinder was foolish to go after Figment on his own in Corroded territory. And I've been foolish in many areas. Far too many to name. We will go to any lengths to protect what we love. To do what is right. To save others from harm. That is not something worthy of being sent to the Bad Place. That is something that should send you to the Good Place. Your system, I'm afraid, is horribly flawed, and if it were up to me I would see you are properly placed.

The fact of the matter is, I know it is easy to blame oneself for what one does under that kind of control. It gives one a sense of empowerment, I believe, to feel they deserved it. But they do not and you do not. I know it will take a while for those wounds to heal, but believe me that you are not at fault. They are.

Yet, there is something to be gleaned from this. Something to be learned. We will only survive if we work together. There is too much: I will protect you, I don't want to hurt you, so I will go alone. That only seems to lead to tears and fears. Hurting is inevitable. But the hurt is less when we are there to pick each other up. When we know where the other is. Where we can be there to lend aid or succor. Rely on us, my dear, as we will, in turn, rely on you.

Yes, even myself. Hard as that is for me. But it is something we must develop together.

Thank you for your kind words. I don't know whether I fell or whether it was just an illusion, but it certainly felt real. However, in the end I have discovered myself far more than I would otherwise. I have ascended. I am not a bad angel because I don't choose to be. If anything I am an angel who is closer to humanity and the Almighty's creation than any of the others, at least where I am. If that comes with some humanity and foibles of my own? Well, so be it. It can only endear me to them.

But more than that, I have discovered a breadth and depth of love that I never thought possible.

Which is to say that bad things to not always beget bad things. Sometimes they beget good.

I will leave this letter here, my dear. But I want to remind you that you are too good to be a fallen angel yourself. As you are kind and generous to others, be kind and generous to the wonderful Eleanor I know and consider my dear friend.

With love and gratitude,

Aziraphale (Principality)