Mirror / all the swearing

[ace_of_hearts]

[Just in case things weren't bad enough already with the blood moon and Sanderson sisters, and kidnappings... Main Street erupts in a series of explosions. It turns out the sudden cold, rain, and blood moon with Ace's fire out of control, doesn't mix well with gross magic and booze mini-stills.]

Fuck fuck fuck shit fuck damn fuck sorry, don't-- [More explosions rocket off behind him.] Fuck.

I need... Shit I don't even know. Help maybe. I'd offer booze, but as you can see... [Winces as a high-pitched whistling shriek goes off and he frantically tries to get it to NOT EXPLODE.]

[....]

[...]

[Whew. At least one is safe. Maybe!!!] It doesn't like the weather. [It = Ace, actually. It's all Ace.]

Gross magic should be easier in a full moon, right? RIGHT?! Fuck everything.

Comments

[ace_of_hearts]

[Ace crouches down.]

[Ace stares.]

[And pokes the sandwich.] Am I hallucinating?

[He kind of wants to eat it anyway. Even if it's imaginary. Maybe he will get filled.]

[trashylittlesecret]

[cross as fuck, which means he probably sounds like a mix of Eddie and Stan, not his usual self]

No, Ace. It's Richie. New guy. That witch turned me into a fucking sandwich. I swear to Christ every time I open my mouth someone's turning me into weird-ass shit.

[one of the pieces of meat flops a little like a tongue as he speaks. at this point he'd almost rather Pennywise, but maybe that's the mozzarella between his googly eyes talking]

[ace_of_hearts]

[This does nothing to curb Ace's desire to eat him.]

[Don't eat friends.]

[DON'T EAT FRIENDS!]

[Ace just drools.]

[It's hard being a demon.]

[But he doesn't want to be Big Mam.]

[Okay. He chugs some booze and holds the bottle to Richie...] Can you drink like this? I could like... pour it on you I guess.

What the fuck else did you get turned into?

[Nope, pokes the sandwich.]

[HOW MUCH WOULD A NIBBLE HURT?!?]

[Okay, fine, probably a lot. Don't eat friends.]

[trashylittlesecret]

Better not. I have no idea what the fuck happens if part of me gets ... I don't know, dissolved or whatever. Coming out in the rain was a bad idea. You'll just have to drink a little more for me or save it for when I find - what was it? A Princess?

[those are some very rolly googly eyes, FOR REAL. what is his fucking life. and no, please do not eat friends]

[ace_of_hearts]

Lydia and Mal are princesses, but if a witch did this, I don't think they're strong enough to change you back.

Here.

[Carefully scrambles together a safety lunch box for him, being surprisingly delicate with the toothpicks, but siiiighs.] Guess I shouldn't even lick you then. [UGH BUT HE NEEDS TO KNOW!!!]

[Okay into the pocket!] I will find one to ask. Oh wait! I'm dumb! [:T] Buggy's a prince..... I don't think he can turn you back but he could try? Or maybe I should find Mal... She has experience with dark magic. Buggy might fall apart.

Why did they turn you into a sandwich anyway? I mean... what does that do for them?

[trashylittlesecret]

Hey, watch it with the toothpicks, that -

[ever heard a sandwich giggle? you have now. he's ticklish on the bottom of the bun, okay]

I don't know who any of those people are, but if they can help make me look less like a blue plate special, I'm all for it. Except for maybe the guy who might fall apart, that sounds kinda bad and like you mean it literally.

[as for why he's a sandwich]

Clearly you fuckin' missed the part about them saying they wanted to either eat us or enslave us. Gold star. Then again, if all your shit started exploding around the same time I guess that makes sense.

[ace_of_hearts]

[OH NO THAT'S CUTE! He still wants to lick him though. On the underside, apparently.]

Yeah I kind of... tuned them out after that. And stuff started exploding.

[trashylittlesecret]

[I mean let's be real one little lick isn't gonna kill him]

They sound an awful lot like a certain asshole I beat the shit out of back home. Very recently. If I get turned back I'm leaving ass-beating duty to someone else, though. I'm retired.

[ace_of_hearts]

Yeah same. Hey dude... Is it okay if I taste you? I mean, I know that's weird, but can anything get weirder? And I wanna see how authentic it is. [That's his excuse and he's sticking to it!!!]

[trashylittlesecret]

You're retired to--- what? Like ... take a fucking bite out of me? Seriously? What if I change back and I"m down three fingers? Or a foot? Or like ... Shit, internal organs? I don't know how this magic bullshit works.

[ace_of_hearts]

Well, pirates never retire...

No no!! Just you know... lick you. Is that rude???

[trashylittlesecret]

[oh. so he's one of the other dead people Eleanor mentioned, then. he reads easily enough between those lines and decides to leave it alone]

... they just get blown off shore?

[cough. goddamnit he can't help the jokes, but in such close proximity to talking about being licked, he just really hoped sandwiches can't blush. could be good, Rich. could be weird. no way to know which way it'd go. and if all he was was curious, shit, it was like college. everyone got curious. nothing wrong with it as long as you didn't tell anyone or get caught.

those googly eyes go from side to side a bit]

Okay, but just once. Don't make a habit out of it.

[he'd said, on several occasions.]

[ace_of_hearts]

Yes. [Giggles, and licks the underside of Richie sandwich!!!!]

[For "science."]

[trashylittlesecret]

[HOLY FUCKING HELL THAT TICKLES. the toothpick legs wiggle and he kind of squirms, as much as a sandwich can. which isn't much]

Okay, that was kinky and kind of weird. And tickled. Let's not do that again.

[while he's a sandwich]

[ace_of_hearts]

[GIGGLES.] Tasty.

[trashylittlesecret]

[THANK GOD SANDWICHES DON'T BLUSH. though his bread might get a little toasty] Authentic enough? Jesus fucking Christ.

[ace_of_hearts]

[LAUGHS, and lightly tickles, before putting Richie in his pocket, but with it open so Richie can sort of see or maybe peek out.]

[trashylittlesecret]

Thanks. Just ... don't forget I'm in here and sit on me or anything.

[ace_of_hearts]

I won't! I'll get you somewhere safe even if a princess can't turn you back right away.

[trashylittlesecret]

My room should be pretty safe. Pretty sure if I manage to talk to my roommate first, she won't eat me. But let's try the royalty first, just in case.

[ace_of_hearts]

Kay!!

[trashylittlesecret]

[as they're going]

You know, where I come from, if you're in someone's pocket it's usually a bad thing.

[barest shades of either Groucho Marx or Alan Alda in there, somewhere, it's tough to tell through pants fabric]

[ace_of_hearts]

Really? In my world its a billiards reference. Means they're on your side,

[trashylittlesecret]

Huh! Maybe that's where the politicians got it from too. Because they always use it in politics. Means someone paid you enough money to only do stuff for them, and not rat on them for the shady shit they inevitably get up to, see, nyeah, see? ... man for this I really oughta be a meatball sub.

[ace_of_hearts]

You do have meatballs. They're tasty. But they're spread out.

I have no idea how normal world politics works where I'm from. That demon thing. Gramps might have tried to penetrate my thick skull with some of it, but punching doesn't actually impart knowledge. Who knew?