Mirror / all the swearing

[ace_of_hearts]

[Just in case things weren't bad enough already with the blood moon and Sanderson sisters, and kidnappings... Main Street erupts in a series of explosions. It turns out the sudden cold, rain, and blood moon with Ace's fire out of control, doesn't mix well with gross magic and booze mini-stills.]

Fuck fuck fuck shit fuck damn fuck sorry, don't-- [More explosions rocket off behind him.] Fuck.

I need... Shit I don't even know. Help maybe. I'd offer booze, but as you can see... [Winces as a high-pitched whistling shriek goes off and he frantically tries to get it to NOT EXPLODE.]

[....]

[...]

[Whew. At least one is safe. Maybe!!!] It doesn't like the weather. [It = Ace, actually. It's all Ace.]

Gross magic should be easier in a full moon, right? RIGHT?! Fuck everything.

Comments

[trashylittlesecret]

[muffled pocket commentary]

What the everloving fuck are you even going on about out there, dude?

[ace_of_hearts]

A batrabbit shat on my hat!!!

[trashylittlesecret]

That sounds like the lost volumes of Doctor Seuss. Is there a cat in spats sitting on a vat, too?

[ace_of_hearts]

Who's Doctor Suess?

[Although now that he thinks about it, it is kind of weird and funny.] Yeah! Maybe! [Alas he's no good at rhymes. Ask Ivy or Rose for that.]

[trashylittlesecret]

Wrote a lot of kids books full of words that rhyme and don't make any sense. Like The Cat in the Hat and Fox in Socks and a bunch of bullshit like that. It's supposed to help you learn how to read because a lot of the words have the same letters and sounds or whatever, but when you're a kid you don't give a shit about that, it's just funny to say stuff like "I am Sam. Sam I Am. Do you like green eggs and ham?"

Speaking of, what kind of sandwich am I? It's kinda hard to see myself.

[ace_of_hearts]

Sounds nice. Not too many people care about kids reading in my world. I never even went to school, but Sabo said I didn't miss anything.

Delicious. I mean... Open mouthed with everything.

[trashylittlesecret]

Yeah, not much. I mean the reading bit is kind of important, but that's kind of about it. Everything else you can just sorta bullshit around. At least, it's easy enough to do where I'm from. Everyone acts like they didn't learn a goddamn thing, anyway.

[at the description, he snort-laughs. which is interesting for a sandwich to manage] ... Well at least they kept me true to my nature.

[ace_of_hearts]

So you're normally delicious?

[trashylittlesecret]

[you've actually flustered him, Ace, good job]

I - uh - well uh - couldn't tell ya. The open-mouthed about everything part, though, that's pretty much a ringer.

[ace_of_hearts]

I guess you're pretty mouthy, huh?

[trashylittlesecret]

Friends didn't call me Trashmouth for nothing.

[ace_of_hearts]

My friends called me all kinds of dumb things too! Fire-Fist is my bounty name, but they called me like freckle-butt and things too.

[trashylittlesecret]

Freckle butt?

[this guy is an adorable dumbass. please. someone send help. he has a feeling he is going to need it.]

Bounty na- oh! Oh, because you're a pirate, I get it. For a second I thought that was like a stripper name or something. Mostly because I've heard of strippers named Bounty.

... I don't have eyebrows to waggle or I'd totally be doing that right now. Fuck, I hate being a sandwich.

[ace_of_hearts]

Yeah.

[THE MOST!]

I could be a stripper. Is that a job option here? Usually I get told Fire Fist sounds like a porn star's name anyway.

[trashylittlesecret]

A really bad porn star, maybe. OUCH.

[uncomfortable sandwich shifting]

[ace_of_hearts]

[More giggles!] Yeah, especially if I fell asleep in the middle. I wouldn't while stripping though!

we should probably warn people they're making jokes about porn huh

[trashylittlesecret]

Not quite where I was going with that joke, but sure, why the hell not. ... Why would you fall asleep in the middle of a porn? I mean, it'd have to be preeeeetty bad, am I right?

[they're just two guys talking about maybe being in a theoretical porn. this isn't gay at all. he's fiiiiiine]

oops lol :V

[ace_of_hearts]

Yeah! Well, I'm narcoleptic. Usually I just surprise people with it, but I don't want you thinking I fall asleep during bad sex or something. [Awkward note.] No worries though! I can't sleep when it's full moon!! And I can't stay awake during new moons.

yeah sorry guys we'll be better next time

[trashylittlesecret]

No shit. I never met anyone who was actually narcoleptic before.

[and then he makes that crack about bad sex and]

Why would I care if you fall asleep banging somebody? I mean - it's your life, right?

[the words are innocuous enough. but there's a little panic in there]

I promise nothing!!!! 1/2

[ace_of_hearts]

It runs in my family. My Gramps and kid brother are the same way.

Well, you'd care if it was you, right?

2/2

[ace_of_hearts]

Not that you want me to bang you or vice versa, but word gets around in tiny places like this.

It's fine if people know I'm a narcoleptic demon, and hate rain, but I already have a weird reputation from the no-shirts thing, no need to make it extra stupid besides!

better about the warnings, not about the porn ofc

[trashylittlesecret]

[ah, the 'no homo' clause has been laid out. we're good, we're good.]

Just make it a better reputation by being the guy with the good booze. That oughta fix it right up. Always did back home. Example: "JaaaaaaayZUS that boy ain't right but can he throw a humdinga of a shindig, ayuh."

again! I promise nothing!!! I tend to forget what's iffy oops

[ace_of_hearts]

[Laughs!]

Yeah, that's about what they said about me during my life!