First!!!

[ace_of_hearts]

So am I really the only one who remembers dying before coming here?

I'm not complaining, or wanting to freak you all out, just trying to get a better grip on things, okay?

Comments

[ace_of_hearts]

Okay! I'll make sure to look him up. But why again, exactly?

[takeitsleazy]

Because he's an entertainer, he can probably help you with the "fun" thing.

[ace_of_hearts]

Honestly, that is the one thing in my life that I've never had trouble with, but I'll still look him up.

[takeitsleazy]

No I mean -

[that didn't come out right, and he realizes he may have low-grade insulted Ace. he makes a face, then tries again]

Maybe the two of you can come up with something that everyone here could have fun with. I know some people could seriously use some cheering up after getting here.

[ace_of_hearts]

Oh!! Sure!! Good thinking! Man... I've never actually planned a party before. They just sort of happen when I'm there.

[No, but really.]

[takeitsleazy]

I knew someone whose whole life revolved around planning parties. She was very good at it. ... I don't know what she'd do if a party spontaneously broke out. Probably complain that you were violating the natural laws of the universe.

[a millisecond later he realizes Ace might not pick up on the joke and explains, hastily]

Not that you would be. She just would never admit to being jealous.

[ace_of_hearts]

[Giggles well before the explanation, yeah he got it.]

Ah, one of those types, huh? She sounds hot. You ever...?

[Yeaaaaaaah, Ace might remind you a bit of Jason....]

[Floridians are all idiot pirates.]

cw: talk about genitalia, sex

[takeitsleazy]

Ever...

[give it a minute. oh. yes. of course. there's a short list of questions humans tend not to like to finish asking, and it takes a second to guess from context. ever shoplifted? ever watched two girls one cup? ever actually enjoyed a Nicholas Cage movie unironically? oh. wait. he probably means...]

Ha! While I do have a penis, and I could probably have it function in that particular manner if I ever found any sufficiently compelling reason to ...

[but why, he thinks to himself, humans are so beneath him]

... I haven't had sexual intercourse with her, no. So much unwieldy fumbling and bodily discharge and hormonal upheaval... eeeugh. No thank you.

rofl

[ace_of_hearts]

Dude... [Both hands up!]

If you didn't bang her, how did you manage to make that disgusting anyway?!

[Worse than Marco! Alas, Ace regrets nothing.]

XD

[takeitsleazy]

Uh, how about "because IT IS"? Why would any of you even want to ... Do that to each other?!

[ace_of_hearts]

Dude... It's not supposed to be! It should be nice and good, and feel like the best thing ever.

You've never... I dunno, fallen in love or had someone want to bang you? Or had sex yourself?

[Not that Ace is all that actually experienced there. Died young.]

[takeitsleazy]

No. Not human.

[ace_of_hearts]

So? One of my brother's is a shark fishman, and he gets more ladies than I could ever dream of!

[Ayyyyyyyyyyy... it's true though.]

[takeitsleazy]

One of your brothers ... is a ...

... Your father gets around with some weird women, doesn't he?

1/2

[ace_of_hearts]

You shut up about Pops.

2/2

[ace_of_hearts]

[A beat and his mood reverses a switch.]

Oh! We're not blood. Pops adopted us. Took us nothings in and made us something great!

[takeitsleazy]

Oh! Well, that makes sense, then. For a minute, I was really confused about how that even worked. Genetically. But adopting people and giving them homes, that's a really great thing for a person to do.

[racking up some serious points, Ace's dad]

[ace_of_hearts]

Actually that would work genetically. In my world. Fishmen and humans have kids all the time. Also fishmen and giants. And merfolk and humans. [Shrug.] Although not so much humans and giants. That'd be impossible without devil fruits.

Pops' dream was to have a big family. [His scowl softens to something genuine there. He loves Whitebeard more than anything except Luffy.]

[Also, don't bet on that, Michael, Whitebeard was still a crazy alcoholic pirate emperor who shagged some really tiny women, and no one is sure on the physics of it, and no one WANTS to try to understand those physics either, because... ew.]

[takeitsleazy]

Okay, I'm going to hope that when you explain devil fruits to me? It acts as a kind of brain bleach. Because... because.

[ace_of_hearts]

I guess your world doesn't have them? It's like... magic. But not really. Because it's science. My devil fruit was fire. If you had one that could change your size, or other peoples' sizes, then that's how it would work out.

Every devil fruit is different. One of my brothers is made of rubber, another one is diamond, another one has extra-dimensional pockets in his chin [No, really though, that's true.] and Marco's a phoenix.

Oh! And Pops was earthquakes!

[takeitsleazy]

So.... Were these rare or could anyone find them?" He frowned. The importance seemed relevant, especially in fighting the Corruption.

[ace_of_hearts]

Very rare. And when one person has one, no one else in the world can have it, as long as they're alive. My brother was stabbed in the back by one of my subordinates I hunted down for that reason.

[takeitsleazy]

And that's probably why someone tried to put their fist through your chest, too, isn't it?

[he's starting to catch on. now if he only wasn't smiling because he's proud he understands...]

[ace_of_hearts]

No.

Akainu has a devil fruit, magma. He wouldn't want mine. You can only have one devil fruit or you'll explode.

He's an admiral with the World Government. I was sentenced to death before I was even born. My family, Pops, and all them came to rescue me. I was bait for them, but they came anyway. I almost escaped, but Akainu was going to kill Luffy, that's the rubber brother, so I stopped him with my chest. I couldn't think of a better plan at the time.

[takeitsleazy]

....So.

[he smiles a little]

You solved the trolley problem, too.