[And then winces. o_< oh she has regrets about joking in this direction. In public. While on a ridiculously tall bike.]
[Such fucking regrets.]
Okay.... slow your bleeding roll.
One, no. Two... also no.
[Rubs her face with one hand, and wobbles on the bike, but catches it quickly at least. Her adrenaline junkie and gymnastics balance is coming in handy in the real world, who knew?]
Firstly, the Doctor always does that. And I told you before why. Because whatever you want to call being soul mates, it doesn't mean shite with all the other stuff in the way.
And you know what? It's okay. It is. I get it. We just want different things from existence. That's nobody's fault, it just is. It's something to deal with, yeah?
Secondly, you? Not a rebound. I'm not a... rebound girl. Because I don't know how your friend with the love of shrimp was, but me? I don't do that. I dated Mickey after Jimmy, because I dated Mickey before Jimmy. He was my best friend all childhood, and told me I was daft for running off with Jimmy in the first place. And the Doctor was never a rebound from Mickey. The Doctor was in spite of Mickey. Because I've always loved Micks, but I don't think either of us were ever really in love with each other, because we also want different things. And even when I was stranded a universe away with no way to get back to the Doctor, I didn't use Mickey like that, because I can't, I won't, I'm not that way. It wouldn't be fair to him, or me. And that's why I didn't date around either. Because I won't waste my time on someone I don't want.
And that's point three, yeah? I'll never use someone as a substitute for what I really want. Got it? So me? Hitting on you? That's real. Because I want to. If it's bothering you -- [Laughs and shakes her head.] Believe me, I'll stop. But I'm not doing it to ignore how I feel about the Doctor, because I already know. He already knows. And no amount of anything: sex, friends, end of the world, torture, drinking, you name it, can ever change that. My parents begging me to move on and join them couldn't. It's not a will thing or something I can just turn off. Rebounds always hurt everyone. I'll never bother with that. I couldn't even use a guy to distract myself when I actually really did believe I'd never see him again. I'll only do what I want to do. Who I want to do. To the utmost. I will never settle for less than what I actually want.
Listen yeah? Closest I came was when I was still seeing Micks, and the Doctor and Jack kept flirting with each other and leaving me out, so I called up Micks to have someone I could snog guilt-free. And you know how well that worked? Catastrophically. I didn't even get to snog him, and I wound up feeling guiltier than ever and hating it, because he was so willing to drop everything to come see me, he wasn't taking care of his own life outside of me. I never want to be that woman, I never want to even accidentally make someone else that man. So I promise, Michael. You and me isn't about anyone else. The Doctor can make his choices, I can make mine. I'd never shag someone to hurt him, or pretend I'm through with him, because he and I will never be over. But also, I hold myself in higher regard than that. If something's worth doing, I don't want to do it halfway. I don't want to be doing it for any reason other than I want to, got it?
Finally...
What's a Derek?
[In a weird way, it's actually... really fucking refreshing. Because Michael's sheer bluntness lets HER be blunt and direct and god knows, after all the dimension jumps, she struggles so hard with anything else. And the Doctor, the older one at least, struggles so hard to keep being kind and patient with her that it's actually maddening! So this... yeah.]
no subject
[Such fucking regrets.]
Okay.... slow your bleeding roll.
One, no.
Two... also no.
[Rubs her face with one hand, and wobbles on the bike, but catches it quickly at least. Her adrenaline junkie and gymnastics balance is coming in handy in the real world, who knew?]
Firstly, the Doctor always does that. And I told you before why. Because whatever you want to call being soul mates, it doesn't mean shite with all the other stuff in the way.
And you know what? It's okay. It is. I get it. We just want different things from existence. That's nobody's fault, it just is. It's something to deal with, yeah?
Secondly, you? Not a rebound. I'm not a... rebound girl. Because I don't know how your friend with the love of shrimp was, but me? I don't do that. I dated Mickey after Jimmy, because I dated Mickey before Jimmy. He was my best friend all childhood, and told me I was daft for running off with Jimmy in the first place. And the Doctor was never a rebound from Mickey. The Doctor was in spite of Mickey. Because I've always loved Micks, but I don't think either of us were ever really in love with each other, because we also want different things. And even when I was stranded a universe away with no way to get back to the Doctor, I didn't use Mickey like that, because I can't, I won't, I'm not that way. It wouldn't be fair to him, or me. And that's why I didn't date around either. Because I won't waste my time on someone I don't want.
And that's point three, yeah? I'll never use someone as a substitute for what I really want. Got it? So me? Hitting on you? That's real. Because I want to. If it's bothering you -- [Laughs and shakes her head.] Believe me, I'll stop. But I'm not doing it to ignore how I feel about the Doctor, because I already know. He already knows. And no amount of anything: sex, friends, end of the world, torture, drinking, you name it, can ever change that. My parents begging me to move on and join them couldn't. It's not a will thing or something I can just turn off. Rebounds always hurt everyone. I'll never bother with that. I couldn't even use a guy to distract myself when I actually really did believe I'd never see him again. I'll only do what I want to do. Who I want to do. To the utmost. I will never settle for less than what I actually want.
Listen yeah? Closest I came was when I was still seeing Micks, and the Doctor and Jack kept flirting with each other and leaving me out, so I called up Micks to have someone I could snog guilt-free. And you know how well that worked? Catastrophically. I didn't even get to snog him, and I wound up feeling guiltier than ever and hating it, because he was so willing to drop everything to come see me, he wasn't taking care of his own life outside of me. I never want to be that woman, I never want to even accidentally make someone else that man. So I promise, Michael. You and me isn't about anyone else. The Doctor can make his choices, I can make mine. I'd never shag someone to hurt him, or pretend I'm through with him, because he and I will never be over. But also, I hold myself in higher regard than that. If something's worth doing, I don't want to do it halfway. I don't want to be doing it for any reason other than I want to, got it?
Finally...
What's a Derek?
[In a weird way, it's actually... really fucking refreshing. Because Michael's sheer bluntness lets HER be blunt and direct and god knows, after all the dimension jumps, she struggles so hard with anything else. And the Doctor, the older one at least, struggles so hard to keep being kind and patient with her that it's actually maddening! So this... yeah.]